‘Hi.
We need to talk.
Meet me at our usual place. Midnight.
I’ll be waiting.’

That was his message. Nothing more, nothing less. I wanted to text him back, ask him what this was about, but the butterflies in my stomach had already begun flying around. And so, I decided to just meet him and find out everything on my own. Countless thoughts came to mind, was he finally going to tell me everything that I was waiting to hear from him?

Was this the day he would get down on his knees and tell me that he loves me? I couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways in which he was going to profess his love to me. All my reactions and replies were ready in my head.

As I got ready to meet him, I thought of the first day I laid my eyes on him. I was a shy, quiet girl who was spoilt to the bone by my parents. I never thought until then that I’d ever leave the comforts of my home. And suddenly, in 2012, I applied to a university, one that was far from home.

I tried my best to adapt to the new space, but it was tough. I made a few friends and with time, began joining some extra-curricular clubs. And that’s how we met.

He was a friend’s friend. During a Chinese Lantern Festival, we were asked to introduce ourselves and pass on the mic to anyone, the first words we exchanged was him introducing himself,

“Hi I’m Luke! And I’d like to pass on the mic to the girl standing in front of me.” With that we began talking and soon enough, exchanged numbers too.

It didn’t take us long to start hanging out and if we were not together, we were constantly texting. Everyone knew that it was only but a matter of time before one of us would drop our walls and open up about our feelings. And then today, this text.

After what felt like hours, I was finally standing in front of him. Tingling silence between us.

I was feeling everything and nothing: my palms were sweating, there was a tornado inside my stomach, my mind was buzzing, but at the same time, not. In all of this, I suddenly wondered, ‘What if he called me here to tell me that he liked someone else…?’ My heart was now pounding and he looked too nervous to talk.

After what felt like hours, he broke the silence, "I’m gay."

I could see his lips moving, I even understood what he said, but I couldn’t comprehend it. I stood there, motionless. He continued, "I’ve always been gay. I’ve not told anyone about this yet, and actually, don’t plan on telling anyone anytime soon."

All I could do was nod my head while he carried on,

"I need a favor from you. And I’m only asking you because I trust you and I know that you and I share something much more than being friends. Do you think, we could pretend to be in a relationship? Maybe this way, people won’t start making any assumptions about me."

I couldn’t move. Was this all a joke? Was someone setting me up for what could only be a terrible, terrible sense of humor? I began to cry and left him without an answer or a comment. That night, I couldn’t sleep. His words were ringing in my ears,

‘I’m gay.’

And it was almost at sunrise when a thought came to my mind. I immediately texted him and asked him to meet me.

"I’m sorry I ran yesterday. Listen. It’s alright. This is who you really are and I love you. You need to understand this."

He hugged me and I hugged him back. All he could do was thank me. I went back to my room and cried the most I ever have.

Day by day, our love for each other grew stronger, but we both know that this is a path where our future won’t be together. We made a promise to each other that we will both keep finding our ‘significant other’ while still of course, be a ‘couple’ in front of the world.

Months after college, we’re still the best of friends and while we don’t talk too much about each other’s relationships, we share almost everything with the other.

Even today, when I see him walking towards me, my heart skips a beat and those rusty butterflies rise up. But I know that things will never work out between us. He’s my best friend and he’s the one I’ll always be in love with.

You always hear stories of people in search of their Mr. or Miss. Perfect, but what happens when you find this person only to have to let them go.

He’s never going to be my future, but he will always be The One: and I just have to accept this and love him as my best friend.

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