I Fell For My Husband's Empty Promises, But Now I'm Choosing Myself...
( words)
*For representational purpose only.
I have had enough, and I decided to have it no more. It gives me a lot of anxiety to choose myself over everything, and doing so comes with constant guilt. We, as Indian women, are often taught to compromise no matter what.
Choosing yourself over everyone else is almost an act of rebellion and would be considered rude in the society I live in, but I believe that no matter what, prioritising yourself is important.
I met a guy who seemed nice, and soon we were engaged and thereafter married after almost knowing each other for a year.
Something I learnt, things that generally look fine may not be so underneath, Until you live with a person, you cannot tell what the person really is.
My husband, yes, the guy I chose, lives in a small city with his family and is a part of the family business. He was very cool before marriage, but what I didn't know until marriage was how cool, strong, or significant he was while he lived with his family.
I compromised on my career to be with this guy only to find out his fine-seeming family would suddenly change, and he as an individual would turn out to be always in financial crisis, submissive in the family, and indifferent to his spouse’s needs.
I sometimes think how stupid I was to believe in all the commitments and promises made readily.
It’s every single girl’s desire to have a good room of her own after marriage. I never had this privilege because, no matter how beautiful the house was, the room I was asked to live in was poorly constructed and still remains so after six months of marriage.
Unlike the common and integral practice, I didn’t really get a honeymoon because, apparently, there was no money in the family, but my in-laws had enough money to go on a Thailand trip and buy whatever they wanted.
As per Indian traditions, I, as a bride, was absolutely given no jewellery by my in-laws; in fact, the jewellery my parents gifted wasn’t given to me until I took it all out for an event one day. I was given no safe locker to keep my jewellery.
So that my in-laws could keep all the jewellery and money gifted to me during the wedding, in fact, my mother in law even took back what she gifted me on engagement.
Slowly and gradually, I gave up on all these thoughts until other issues came up. I took up a job after marriage, and after 10 hours of work, I came home only to find that everyone had their dinner and there was nothing left for me to eat. For almost 2 months, I had no dinner. Occasionally, my husband would take me out so that I could eat something.
The treatment difference between daughter and daughter-in-law is so steep in his family that the daughter can wear anything, pursue anything, and all would be all ears to her no matter how irrelevant the talks were, while your opinion or education meant nothing.
I studied in a convent school and post-graduated at a very established media college.
I worked for nine years as a media professional, only to be reduced to this. The ignorance was so great that, after marriage, I got extremely sick twice. Once, I had to be rushed to the hospital. My in-laws didn’t even ask if I was okay the next day.
All this after taking care of them when they fell sick, being polite, and helping out as much as possible. Every single day, I felt left out, or as if I were forcefully trying to be a part of a family that could never accept me.
But now I have had enough. We all have our limits and boundaries, ones that shouldn’t be crossed, and as individuals, we must have that respect for ourselves.
Marriage should not be a cage; it should not suffocate you.
We all still live in the same house, but I don’t talk to anyone for whom I mean nothing but an outsider. I cook my own food and work an 8-hour job. Due to stress and not getting proper nutrition, I have developed a form of arthritis that I am currently battling with.
I take care of my own treatment. I am now planning to move to a bigger city and live all the dreams and passions I had abandoned after marriage; writing is one of them.
As a child, I started writing, sometimes to express myself better and sometimes to escape emotions I could not define. After marriage, it was my mother who kept encouraging me to take up writing again.
Today, when I have penned down all my feelings, I feel so light. Truly, at times, the only ones who can help us are ourselves.
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