Hey there! I have always been an amusing child - amused by small things, everyday life, gestures, people, almost about everything. I still remember, as a kid, I would press my ears to the wooden table because it sounded like waterfalls, and it brought back memories from my home. As a child, in boarding school, everything seemed amusing. I never cried nor felt love nor hate, just amusement for anything and everything. Boarding school is the place, where basically you are taught to fend for yourself. There is no one around to help you, no one to tell you things, nada. I guess you guys get the picture. How do you begin to define a shy kid, who isn’t scared, but just amused? Maybe, that was the reason why I mostly kept to myself. Some people say that I don’t make sense to them, even I feel it sometimes, that I am just not a part of the crowd.

I can sit all alone, all day, and I will not feel the need to communicate with anyone. But when someone does try to talk to me, or shower me with praises, I’m more than amused at the gestures.

And in case of love, yes, I have been on the same page as this feeling. When my ex was breaking up with me, I didn’t feel sad, or angry. I wasn’t even crying. I was wholly concentrating on the way his nostrils were flaring, when he was trying to explain to me the reason for why we are not working out. Sometimes, I think that I do not have feelings, but then that is also not true. A human cannot be devoid of feelings. I have my own secret jokes which I do not share with anyone, fearing that I’ll be misunderstood. And I smile to myself, remembering them. Well basically, I live in my own space and I do not like it to be invaded. So, when this person tore down the walls of that space, I was genuinely eager to find out how did he managed to do that. Yes, I felt love for the first time in 2005. Yes, I considered him my most prized possession. Yes, he became my knight in shining armor, and someone filled this position for the first time. And I was blissful and happy that he was there, my confidante, the keeper of my secrets. So much so, that every detail of my life was known to him in merely two years. My amusement, my fears, my happiness, my longing etc. And that’s when this person decided to stab me in the back. For what? For his sadistic pleasure. He wanted ‘to taste other flavors in life.’ That’s how he termed the breakup. And at that point of time, I felt numb again. The numbness was not due to the words he told me, but at the face he made while saying this.

The creepiest smile came on his face, as if the devil had risen from within, just to punish me for loving him. That day, something died inside me.

Well, as we all know there is no point holding or begging for something which does not want to stay, I gave up that instant. Just like that. Who in their right mind would fight the devil himself? But the shimmer in his eyes that day never left me. And that is the most amusing part of this relationship. Fast forward 12 years, karma is playing its part. The loser will be that human, this time. As for me, I’m safe in my space and do not let anyone of his kind, intrude again. The lesson has been learnt and well followed. I want to say to him:

You are now the father of a baby girl, and someday you will feel the same agony of the pain that you caused to me. You will then remember the words I had said to you. And dear, someday your child will also become someone’s ‘flavour of the year’. Karma is a bitch and it shall knock at your door, too. Till then, take care bubba.

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