I got married Dec 2016, the same year I turned 21. The man I married is an Indian Naval Officer; he’s average looking and our wedding was arranged. His parents didn’t give us the permission to talk over the phone during our engagement period. They thought it could lead to arguments and possibly the end of the wedding too. Surprisingly, my parents agreed to their methods and told me to respect their wishes.

We’re from a typical Rajasthani Rajput family and so taboos are something that comes in hand with the culture; and that list begins with, “No talking to your to-be husband.”

So to put it simply, we didn’t know anything about each other and that’s one mistake that I wish I could go back in time and rectify.

We met once, before our wedding, for 10 minutes and with his mother around. I couldn’t speak to him unless spoken to and he couldn’t speak to me freely since she was sitting around. All he told me, was that he enjoyed living a simple life and wanted a simple woman.

His mother, on the other hand, went on and on about how her son is very lazy, isn’t talkative and is very conservative with his beliefs too. But I accepted the fact that every soul on this planet is different and decided to accept him how he was. My second biggest mistake was to think that over time, we both would accept each other’s characters, flaws and more and grow in synergy.

Eventually, we got married. I was in between my final year of college. His family said that was the only available date for us and they couldn’t wait any longer. My family had to accept this. We weren’t left with much of a choice anyway.

After the wedding, there was some hesitation between us, obviously, we were complete strangers. For our honeymoon, we went to Port Blair and there, I became homesick and he, irritable.

It didn’t take me long to realize that he was exactly how his mother had described him: he was boring.

Slowly, I realized that we were two very different people. I was a girl who loved adventure. I enjoyed having a social life, taking risks, playing sports, watching sports, dancing, listening to Bollywood songs and definitely watching Bollywood movies. Whereas he, well, whatever I just said, he’s the complete opposite.

I’ve tried learning to love our differences, but he had a lot of attitude and wouldn’t talk to me properly, in fact, at times, he would even become extremely aggressive.

Once, we went on a trip and I started talking to a couple, he got angry at me when he saw me getting close to them and on the last day of my trip, I had to apologize to him.

I thought that he would accept me, the way I was ready to, and not try to change me. But as soon as we came home, he told his parents, who then told my parents, about the entire incident, mind you, from his pathetic and mindless point of view.

So basically, it was clear, that he was intent to change my interest, hobbies, likes, and dislikes.

Although I never had any bad habits, like smoking, drinking or partying excessively, he still wanted to change me.

Soon, he was posted in Chennai and I went back to live with my family so I could complete my graduation. He never called or messaged me. But I used to call him and the maximum he would manage was a three-minute conversation.

It didn’t take long for his family to keep interfering with me and my parents. They began telling my parents that I wasn’t a “good bahu” and that they should talk to me about changing my ways. I tried not to say anything which would hurt them and so I kept biting my tongue, every single time he or his parents tried to tell me anything.

When my husband used to come to Bombay for a holiday, we always had arguments; the issue could be anything, but we always fought.

Pretty soon, and I should have expected it, his family asked me to stop studying. I’ve always been ambitious and without trying to brag, I was talented. Of course, I had to agree to everything that they said.

Soon, he began taunting me, every single time I asked him for money. He says ridiculous things like, “you have a terrorist mentality”, “you’re not the kind of girl I wanted,” and so on.

Once in a fit of anger, I asked him what kind of a girl he would have wanted to marry. He told me that he would have preferred a quiet, village girl who had zero demands and would listen to him every single time.

Every single time we tried to interact, we would end up in a fight worse than the previous one: he had a problem with me using my phone at night, with me watching tv once everyone was asleep, with me eating, breathing… everything! We have absolutely no attachment or respect for each other.

I’ve compromised my whole life for this man; left my house, my friends, my life, my career… everything for this man. Life with him is torture; mental and physical torture.

Before our wedding, I thought a Naval Officer, he would be extremely broad-minded and with a good heart. I’m shattered now. It’s been eight months now, since our wedding.

He’s a multi-faced guy, in front of our family, he’s the perfect man but when we’re along, it truly is nothing less than torture. I’m completely helpless and I’ve tried to share all of this with my parents, but nothing. They’ve asked me to be mature and ‘behave myself’.

I honestly don’t know what to do. All I have left is to change myself. No one cares about what makes me happy. Every single day is just difficult for me and I know I have a whole lot of my life still left. We’re not compatible. There’s no love, no understanding, nothing.

I’m scared and I don’t know what I should do now.

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