I always thought that I was an easy going and emotionless person until I fell in love with him. That moment, I realised I could love soo much that I can even stop my world for him.

While I was in final year of my B.tech, he was my trainer. I liked his smile, his charm, his attitude, sporting nature and energy. He clearly knew that I was interested in him. Sometimes he would drop hints too. Then I started texting him. He would always say I look really attractive. Well, it was a common compliment that I was used to getting, but from him... it was really special.

I have always felt emotionally connected to him. I wanted to marry him. All my family members knew about him. Finally, I gathered courage to propose to him. He said he couldn't marry me as his family is against love marriage. To me, it was a rejection!

Then I would just talk to him as a friend. One day, we decided to meet and we kissed! How intimate and pure it was. Then we also developed a physical relationship between us. This time, I again felt like asking him for marriage. My bad... answer was again a NO.

So, I tried to create distance between us. I knew I loved him like anything. He was my love, my world, my heart turned as a person and it was all because of him. I couldn't imagine any other man in my life. I feel I'm mentally married to him. But, to him I'm just a friend. It went like this for 4 years.

In between, I had few on off physical relations, which I couldn't even continue for days. I'm working, my parents gave me enough time to sort out things with him. But, it's a big no from him, even if I was there in his everything. I'm 25 now. I have to get married but my mind, my heart still belongs to him. I suffered. I'm depressed. I started eating like anything and then thyroid hit me.

My body lost it's previous look. Meanwhile, my parents pressured me for marriage which I was no where interested in. One day, my father took a harsh decision that he won't involve himself in my marriage, if I don't listen to him. Finally, my people arranged an alliance. That guy seemed to be simple and talkative. He shared his interests and wanted to know about mine. We simply talked for 20 mins.

Then next day, I came to know that... this guy rejected me because I look fat. Ohhh....! That's really WOW. So, I got rejected by two men. Do I really deserve it...?! I loved my man selflessly, his happiness matters to me. I suffered to make him come out of his troubles. Even if that didn't work out I felt, life will throw a caring and responsible man towards me. But what I faced is rejection because of my weight.

Now, I have lost interest in marriage, interest in body maintenance. Still, I'm struggling with my thyroid causing hormonal imbalance.

But, I'm strong. My Love made me strong. Though somehow it seems like this is not enough to make my life happy. Is it?

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