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I Wanted A Man In Life Who Would Stand Up And Be A Man! Is It Too Much To Ask?

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Hi A_a_,

It's been a long time since we last spoke to each other, so I thought of writing to you. My letter to you, which I should have written long ago…

Meeting you was the most unexpected surprise for me, as for a person like me, that place was not the ideal place.

I was always unsure about the dating apps; there are plenty to name, but we met through one of the most popular ones. And I wasn’t even expecting our random swipe to turn into a date. I had always believed that one finds desperate, non-serious people on dating apps. You asked to meet, and to my surprise, I agreed; maybe it was meant to be.

That meeting turned into another one the next weekend, and then it turned into multiple meetings in a week. I can’t even recall how many times we met in a week. And you already know that I told my mom about you (not that we are dating, as we were not initially) and how I didn’t want to lie when I came to meet you. You know I hate lies.

It seemed like a dream that I would find a man like you. We talked a lot, maybe 6-7 hours a day, and yet we never got bored of each other’s company. And during one such conversation, I asked you if your mom knows about me and everything about me, and you confidently replied, “Yes, she does, though she isn’t very comfortable, but I have told her a lot about you”. And then I convinced myself that people from a defence background are open and understanding, it will eventually work out.

And then one fine day in the summer, you lost your job, and I stood by you as I understood that losing a job is a passing phase. That day, I wanted to meet you, hug you, console you, and tell you that everything would be alright, but you chose to meet your friend; you didn’t take my calls, and you preferred to speak to your friends over me. But then I thought, You want to pour your heart out to your friend, so it’s okay, I can wait.

The next day, you decided to go back to your hometown as your mom wanted you to, and you said you would come back in 4-5 days. I waited for you for 21 days, while you barely spoke to me in those days, and our relationship was not even 2 months old. But maybe that’s how I am; I believed in you and wanted to be there with you, by your side, during your tough times.

You finally came back to the city where we met, and I was glad that your mom came with you, as you would have company at home.

There was a time that we used to meet 4-5 times a week; now we meet maybe once every 3 weeks for an hour or so. Things changed, to the extent that we barely spoke and barely met. I was disturbed, and I asked you so many times, and till now, it has amused me that I believed what you told me—things will change when Mom goes back.

All the reasons you gave me sound so lame now. Mom is here for a few days, and we will be back to our normal lives when she goes back. I can’t leave Mom alone at home; I can’t leave her at home in the evening for even 30 minutes.

In that 1 year, you barely met me, and even if you did for an hour or so after weeks, it seemed like a burden, as you had made an immense sacrifice by coming to your society’s park to meet me. 

You made so many sacrifices: you left your mother at home for an hour for me, you lied to your mother whenever you came to the park (you were going to the market, going for a walk), you managed a so-called dinner, you met my mom (which was by accident), you met my sister, you found good excuses to come out of your house to talk to me for 10 minutes, and you never spoke about me in front of your mom.

In this one year of our namesake relationship, the only reason that I got for not doing anything together was Mom. I never hated your mom, but you made her the villain because everything that two people do in a relationship—that we never did—was because of your mom!!!

She kept delaying her return only because she didn’t want us to be together. Maybe you knew, maybe you didn't, or maybe you just wanted to be ignorant.

In that one year, I was always by your side, good or bad, happy or sad, but there were some moments in which I wanted you to be with me.

The happiest or most content day for me was when you were busy shopping the whole day with your mom and didn’t bother to even call me.

When I was lying absolutely sick and everyone around me was praying for me to get well, you were busy shopping with your mom and didn’t bother to come and see me or even call me.

On my birthday, I requested that you meet me, and you could spare only 20 minutes because you had not told your mom. On your birthday, I requested that you meet me, but your reply was, “I have to see what excuse I will give to my mom.”

You always met me during the weekdays because weekends meant you would have to tell your mom to meet me, which you couldn’t do because she didn’t like it. 

I cried so much in the last 8 months of the relationship because you were never available for anything. When I came to your house because you asked me to, your mom didn’t even come out to meet me, nor did she ask me to come and see her.

In this relationship, you were never wrong; I was the one who was wrong, as I could never see all this as a sign that you never wanted to commit anything and you never wanted to stand up for me. You were always lying to me, and you were lying to your mom.

Did I ever hide or lie about my past? The day I put up my profile, I made sure it was right there. I asked you during our very first chat, “Have you read my profile and are you okay about everything?”

Your mother knew it right from the beginning (as you told me), then what was the issue? She could never accept me in one year; you could never talk to her about me; you could never tell her that you were meeting me or talking to me; you couldn’t tell her that you had to come to see me when I was sick; and after all this, you wanted me to wait till eternity for your mom’s approval.

I accepted you with all your flaws, your past, and everything you did right or wrong. It was your past and should be left there.

I was never accepted the way I am, and today I sit here happy about the fact that I woke up finally.

If you and your mom can’t accept and respect me for my past, I don’t care. The one who will respect me will accept the fact that I was married before and I lost him too early.


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