I Want to Defy Society But I’m Scared I'll End Up Alone...

What is it that nearly everyone, including myself, fears the most? The answer, my friends, is the fear of ending up alone. I've always been a creature of habits, unflinching in the face of monotony.

The irony lies in the fact that my life seldom offers repetition; every day unfolds with fresh challenges. Some days, I wake up with a heart full of joy, while on others, frustration greets me at dawn, and my mood stays constant throughout.

Let me clarify that I relish my moments of solitude. It's a time when I'm answerable to only one person, and that person is me. However, recently, a nagging thought has been creeping up on me.

What if I do end up alone? Would I be content in such a scenario? "Aren't you married yet?" hound the Indian aunties, oblivious to the pain they cause. They seem to think that your accomplishments can be neatly tucked into their masala box, ready to season their rasam.

But if you walk in unattached, it's as though you've brought an offensive odour into the room. These questions are becoming a constant presence, exploiting my insecurities.

I candidly informed my Irish boyfriend the other day, "Listen, Indian traditions dictate that I should get married. I don't wish to marry you today, but I'm giving you the choice to walk away now so I can succumb to the pressure from these aunties and have a grand wedding."

Yes, I presented him with a choice, but deep down, I yearned for him to refuse.

And he did say no. Because, for him, marriage is not in the cards at the moment.

The future is a realm of uncertainty, and all I see is a colossal waste of time. I keep reminding myself that I, too, have the option to walk away.

However, you see, I am haunted by the fear of ending up alone. After all, marrying the wrong person is a lonely path I don't wish to tread. My story remains open-ended, and I await its unfolding with a mix of anticipation and trepidation.

YOUR STORY

BAKKAR. CHAI. SUTTA

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