This Feeling That I Could Never Have Him Kills Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 4 August, 2017

I am Amora. I am a 22-year-old girl, working in an MNC. I have currently settled in Pune. I love it. I am someone who believes in true love. But I don't trust boys. I never felt love towards anyone until I met him. It was not love at first sight. But I just wanted to be his friend when I saw him for the first time.

He is a Bengali and I'm a South Indian. Soon, he became my best friend and my well-wisher. I started falling for him. I liked his attitude. We may like so many people in the world but we won't fall for everyone, will we?

I am not sure what kind of feeling it was at first. It was a very different kind of feeling which I never had on anyone before. He hurts me a lot. Though he is a good friend he always maintains space between us. I know he has some past.

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I was so eager about it and acted like Sherlock Holmes. Finally I found out about his mystery girl. She is his first love. She means the world to him and the only love of his life. He thinks about her 24*7. It really hurts me. One day he read my personal diary, through which he got to know about my feelings towards him. He acted unaffected.

His behaviour is unchanged. He knows how I feel about him. The feeling kills me deep inside. I know he can't be mine still I want him. I know we can't force someone to love us. Still my heart wants his love.

I never compared myself to others. It was the first time in my life that I had started comparing myself with that girl. This feeling that I could never have him kills me. I love him so much. I pray that he gets off from my mind.