I don’t know if I should write about this or not, but I think that it’s going to help me understand, or if anything, I'll hear myself out, loud.

I never wanted to be in a relationship, until I met this girl, through Facebook. She replied back within seconds and we ended up speaking to each other all night. Incidentally, we exchanged numbers by the end of that conversation and continued chatting over the phone. I still remember the first time she sent me a voice note, I listened to it repeatedly, trying to imagine how she would look, speaking with me.

It wasn’t long before our texts and chats soon turned into long conversations over the phone. From there on, a few months later, we decided to meet. I was excited; nervous but excited!

We took a small ride on my bike and went for a movie. That’s where we kissed for the first time. That night, when we reached home, we couldn’t stop talking about our kiss. It was perfect. We went on a lot of dates after that one, and before I realized it, I was in love with her. 

It was about a year later, she told me her ex texted her. She told me not to worry about it then, but then a few days later, she told me that she couldn't get over him and she needed some time to think about us. I told her I would give her all the time that she needed.

I was scared, but within three days, she called me and told me that she didn’t need a month or a day longer to decide, she knew that it was me she wanted to be with.

We met after this. It was one of the best days of my life. Just seeing her again like that, it made me so happy. Little did I know, that was going to be the last time we would meet.

I reached home and that’s when I got her text. She said she couldn’t do this anymore and that this relationship would affect our lives. I couldn’t do anything except beg her not to leave me. I was in love with her, there’s no way I could let her give up on us this easily.

She snapped, told me to stay away from her, to stop texting her and hurt her. I couldn’t be the one hurting her, so I told her that I wouldn’t speak to her again. And that I hope she lived a fruitful life. I apologized about the way I behaved and wished her luck.

A few months later, I found out that she was dating her ex again. She sent me a message on Facebook, asking me if we could still be friends. I apologized saying that’s something that would be extremely tough for me to do. She understood.

In another few months, she texted me, her ex left her, again. I was the first person she called. I told her that I was sorry that she was hurting, but I couldn’t be there for her, not now, not ever.

We never texted again after that day and honestly, I hope she lives a wonderful and happy life, but at the same time, I hope that I do too.

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