I'm Happily Married Today But Still Can't Forgive My Ex

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 5 October, 2017

It all started when I was working with this guy, let's call him Dev. Sparing the details, we were in a relationship with each other after 1.5 years of knowing each other and being with each other when we had broken up with our respective exes.

So since we worked in the same company but different projects, our work floors were different. We would meet for lunch, evening brunch and dinner in office cafeteria and go home together (lived in the same area, different rooms) at the end of the day.

He used to wait for me outside my security door on my floor. We were not vocal about our relationship, no one asked us and we did not tell anyone since they didn't ask but everyone presumed we were in a relationship because we were always together.
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One random day, a colleague from my floor came to me and asked, “hey, are you and Dev in a relationship?”

Before giving the answer, I asked him why? He said there is a girl, from his group who is interested in him. I told him with a straight face that yeah, we are in relationship. I knew this girl, let’s call her Zeenat, because she used to stare at us whenever she was around us.

Apparently Dev also knew her a little bit, since they participated in a cultural event at work, and she was in that dance group too. I told Dev about this and we laughed it off.

Fast forward to one year, I decided to move to a different country for higher studies. Dev was all supportive. I moved and everything was fine for initial 6 months. Dev made a different group of friends, and Zeenat was a part of it.

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She found the perfect opportunity and started hitting on him.

The colleague who had asked me about our relationship, was in love with Zeenat and he couldn't let her go and he kept telling me all these things about how they hung out together all the time, and Dev had replaced me with Zeenat completely.

I confronted Dev, but no surprise he denied saying they were just friends. He wanted to break up with me. After 6 more months of me trying to solve the issue, he told me that he already got into a relationship with Zeenat 3 months back.

I was heartbroken. I kept accusing him and fighting with him because I loved him truly. And all this while, Zeenat would text me randomly and accuse me, threaten me to stay away from Dev.

When I told Dev about this, he would say that Zeenat is right since she is his girlfriend. On certain days Dev would tell me he loved me and that he wants to get back.

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I waited but nothing changed. So in the end I stopped trying and fell into depression. I tried to kill myself. Dev is not aware of all this.

I got married and I am living happily now. My husband knows all about my past. And now I also have a baby who has become our world. The only thing bothering me after 4 years is I still get dreams about Dev. I don't want him in my life but I guess I have not forgiven him nor his girlfriend, and I know this is wrong but I want them to taste what they made me taste.

I know they are still together, I can see their pictures on my friends' posts, I'm not in contact with either of them and have blocked them everywhere.