Indian Society Love Marriage Cheating Tradition Culture

I Fought To Marry The Girl I Loved But I Didn't Know She Was With Me Only For This Reason

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am writing this story anonymously because I'm still not married, and we are living in a society which is half-liberal, half-traditional- bole toh confusing only. 

First, I want to tell you that I am an emotional guy (for girls, guys are also emotional). After my first breakup in college, I decided I will not be in any relationship and all, because it's really difficult to handle the pain. I just decided that I will do an arranged marriage and will settle. Everything was going great in my life, I was getting the best career opportunities, foreign trips, money and everything. You can say I was at the best place in my life.

I was single, and many times, I was feeling alone but I ignored it by telling myself that I'm not made for love because I can't handle breakups. 

I had just turned 26 and parents had started searching for a girl. I thought it's early but still it was okay. I met 2 or 3 girls who were good, but I thought it was a totally a stupid setup. I had to meet the girls, I didn't know whether I will like them or not, but if I said 'yes', then I'd have to marry her. By the way, I am a very honest guy and I keep my word. So if I say 'yes' to any girl, then I can never think of breaking up with her. 

So I was just searching for my kind of a girl. But after meeting a few girls, I had concluded that it would not work. Every time I met girls and didn't like them, it was very difficult to say 'NO'. 

Suddenly, I found a girl in my circle, and we were of the same caste. Our attitudes and compatibility were superb. So I thought, if we get involved, then we will surely marry each other. As my family believes in horoscopes, I took her details in between conversations and shared the same with my family. They found that they matched with mine.

I was happy that things were going good. I was just falling in love with her. She was also falling in love with me. I told her that I was not doing time pass and I will definitely marry her. 

Meanwhile, she was sharing all my details with her family. Her family accepted everything but their concern was that my native place was 500 km away from her native place. I thought it was a small issue and would get resolved with time. I was getting serious about her. I wanted to spend my whole life with her.  

Then I told my elder brother about how I felt. He asked me, "how can you decide so early? You have just met one month back." These were the words of a person who had an arranged marriage. What type of thinking is this? You say arranged marriage is okay after a few days/hours of meeting a stranger. I had been with this girl for a month, then why was I not allowed to choose? They said, "no it's too early." They started giving me gyaan about what type of girl I should marry and I started thinking negatively. But this negative thinking lasted for few days only, and again I came back to my love. But in between, I fought with the girl due to such complication. That was my first challenge.

I was thinking that our marriage was going to be easy because we belonged to the same caste, we were independent, so there could not be any problems. Soon, one of my family members came into the picture and said that our kundlis did not match, and I should not marry her. It was just like throwing a stone at me. In the beginning only, my family had said that our stars matched. Now because of this family member I was in a fix and I got my challenge number 2. 

Soon, he convinced one more person in my family and he also started preaching that I should not marry "like that", so I got challenge number 3. 

I had a lot of work pressure in office, competition, and my personal life was getting destroyed. I was totally confused about what I should do, but I was deeply in love with my girlfriend. I was still able to handle things, so we continued to date each other.

Then I met her parents, her parents liked me but they said they wanted the wedding in their town only. And then suddenly one day I got a call from her parents saying that they wanted a boy who was settled abroad (challenge 4). 

I knew I couldn't change our states but I could move out of India, so I was contemplating just that. My only conflict was that I love my country and I had never given a thought to settling abroad. So, my "research" process was slow. I informed her that I was searching for some opportunity abroad.

Things were moving but suddenly I got a new requirement from her parents- they wanted to marry their girl off to a person who owned a house in a metro city. 

I was shocked again. I was never a money-loving person, to begin with. I was saying NO to money and so many opportunities only to spend time with her. I believed that spending good time with family or loved one is better than earning money by going abroad. But by earning in India, it's very difficult to buy a home in a metro city at my age. I was not even aware of the market rates but I knew it was expensive for me.

But I was in love with her and wanted to marry her at any cost.  

It was summers and I was searching for property in my city in that peak North Indian heat. It's very expensive to buy a home, and I was mad for doing that instead of taking up my other career opportunities. It's impossible to buy a home in a metro city without have good earnings. But I set my budget and I was able to match a few small homes. Her parents came to meet me and I told them I was looking to buy a small home. They asked their girl if she will be able to settle in such a small home, and my girlfriend pointed out that their home was also of that size only. "If the whole family is staying there, then why can't two people stay in such a small house?" So they said yes, and we were okay for the marriage to proceed again. 

I was very happy. Until now I was fighting alone, trying to meet every expectation. I had started feeling the pressure and depression. I was living in the fear of losing my love. But when her parents said yes that day, I thought things would go fine. I gave my family the good news. 

Then came the next problem- where will the marriage occur? My parents were saying it will be in our city and her parents were saying it will be in theirs. They were not talking to each other but they were talking through us. I was so depressed thinking about how bad my people were- everyone wanted their egos satisfied and no one was ready take responsibility.

This society is very happy when two unknown people get married and equally happy when they destroy love. It was such a painful situation for me. But no one was ready to understand my pain. 

Then suddenly no one was talking about the marriage anymore. I also thought that I should wait and watch- sooner or later, they all will be ready. That day never came.  

One day I got a call from my girlfriend saying that she was going to see some boy in her native place. He had very good earnings and was well settled. It was the biggest shock to me, I did not know what to do. Just when I was thinking that everything was fine, my efforts didn't count. But I controlled my feelings and just said okay.  

I did not fight with her. That day I understood the role of money in this world. I decided I will earn a lot of money. I went into depression but after three days she came back and told me that the guy was fake. I was in love with her so we started meeting again. But after this incident I learnt that she could leave me for money without even informing me. 

My situation had become terrible. I was in love with a girl who just left me by saying that she had a better opportunity in line.

So I decided to leave this place and earn more money. If she really loved me, she would come after me. And I left that place. She asked me not to leave but I had lost faith in her words. If she was really in love with me, she would have waited for my return or would've come after me. But in 10-15 days she stopped talking to me. She started moving on with another guy. And I became lonely. 

It took me 6 months to recover from my heartbreak. I am still not happy. I went far away from my family. I am earning good money but I never wanted money. My life has totally changed now. However, I am a fighter and I will continue to fight for my life. 

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