Dear Ex Boyfriend, I Was Serious About You And I Have A Secret Wish

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 10 September, 2017

Dear Ex,

I've had a lot of crushes in the past. Every other day I would have a crush on every other person. It was mostly an infatuation obviously, nothing like love.

But you, I had really fallen in love with you. Even though, I knew I should not have, even though I knew I was not allowed to, I could not help but fall for you.

That face, that gaze, that soft mellow voice, that good heart, I could not resist it, at all. It maybe hard for you to believe, but I loved you with all my heart. I would be a good person to my parents over weekdays just so I could get permission to go out over the weekend, just to see you. I would think of you when I was with you and even when you weren't around.

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I was obsessed with you. I would hate it if any other girl was seen around you, even in pictures. You were my dream come true. 

The walks in the park, lassi games, bike rides, I was living my dream of falling in love until I went back home one day and had to encounter my reality. That evening was harsh. Reality had just punched me brutally in the stomach. I had two choices, to give up on my family or give up on you. I could not breathe. I cried for days thinking why I was being forced to make a choice, why could I not have both? 

That is when I stopped talking to you and replying to your texts. I needed time but you thought I had met somebody else. You were mad at me and you wondered why you were being ignored. I did not have an answer or maybe I could not answer. I could not bring myself to say that I loved you with all my heart, but I can not have you.

I was in my hometown when you messaged me the last time. You said - "This is the last time I'm texting." You also said later on I should not cry and run to you. That stifled last bits of self-respect I had.
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You went on to say that people were right about me. That broke me on the inside. It dawned upon me how you never saw your mistakes and always assumed that I was wrong in my thinking, in my dressing sense, in my language, everything. I wondered if you even loved me.

I never replied to your last message. Because "people were right about me". Because you will never understand the agonizing pain of a broken heart.

I do not know what equation we hold now. But I am working hard to build my future. One silent wish still stays concealed strongly in my heart. That I would stumble upon you someday and maybe the fact that I would be single even then will make you realize how much I loved you.