I am a quiet, extremely sensitive 17-year-old girl. I am an introvert who is like the typical middle-class girl who lives next door. I belong to a Bengali family.
I went to Vishakapatnam for my higher education.
But I never thought that I would fall for someone so badly and so deeply. I ended up getting scarred for life.
On the first day of college, all the juniors were expected to wear suits. I first met him on that day. He was the tallest boy in the class. He was lanky and dark skinned. He had a moustache and was wearing a mustard yellow shirt which was too loose for his physique. Our relationship did not really materialize until the 2nd year of our college.
We were classmates and best friends too. He had a crush on a girl but she broke her heart. So he took his time and proposed to me on Shivratri. I had secretly started loving him a long while back. But I was dumbstruck and almost fainted when he proposed to me. I accepted his proposal and was on top of the world when we started dating. We dated for 8 long years.
We stayed true to each other and faced all our challenges together.
After a couple of years, his father was diagnosed with cancer of the colon. He was heartbroken. Both of us were doing our masters in the same college at that time. Both of us got good job opportunities. But I had to quit my first job because I was facing other issues.
But he supported me and handled his own responsibilities too quite well.
He was the only son and the sole breadwinner of his family now. His father was not in any condition to work anymore. Sadly his father passed away after one and a half years.
Both our families thought both of us were good friends. When I told my family about my interest in him they did not agree to the match but they did not oppose it either.
He confessed about our relationship to his mother after a year. And that is when all our struggles began. We belonged to different cultural backgrounds. I was a Bengali and he was a Telugu guy. His sister too had opted for an inter-caste marriage. I fought with my parents for 2.5 years and finally, my parents agreed to get us married.
But he was not able to convince his mom. His mom had never liked me because I was not from the south. I was too modern for her. She threatened to leave him forever if he opted to get married to me. So he gave in to her wishes and left me.
The world came crashing down on me. He had now become a major part of my life. I valued him more than anything else – even myself now. My dad did his best to make me understand things. But I ignored him because I trusted him and loved him. I still love him and will love him forever.
The irony is that when I spoke to his mom about our relationship she said, "You are like my daughter. I never thought of you as my daughter-in-law. I always thought of both of you as siblings. Anyway, both of you cannot get married because I have only one son and I have always dreamt of getting him married to a girl who belongs to our community. If I get both of you married all our relatives will boycott us.”
The person who had been the hero of my life so far did not even take a stand for me or for our relationship. He turned out to be a mama’s boy.
He said, "If I marry you, my mom will leave me. Besides, you failed to create a good impression on my mom and sister. Also, you did not learn my language." I knew that his sister too had always despised me. So I knew she would never support us.
I wanted to ask him why he was doing this to me now. Why the hell was he realizing all this now after 8 long years? Why did he not analyze things when he initiated a relationship with me? Were all those years of commitment a joke?
It has been three months now. He has not even taken the effort to call me or text me after we broke up. I am all alone now. I am broken and afraid to fall in love again. I feel lost. I don’t have the strength to stand up and lead a normal life again.
This experience has left me with a scar that will never heal.
I had loved him with my whole heart. I loved him unconditionally and ended up with a trashed and broken heart.
I wish I could rewind my life and clear all the memories that are associated with him.
He had been my 24/7 soul mate. He was my buddy who was also my partner in crime. He was my strength, my weakness, my heart and my life. I am just breathing now. I don’t feel like I am living my life. I don’t know how to go on with my life. Two questions will always haunt me. Why do we always trust the person we love so much? Does that person value our trust and love?