What's it to live with PTSD?

For starters, what is PTSD? Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. People suffering from it may have flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event; like literally reliving it again!

You also have to get used to hearing people say; stop thinking, or nothing will happen, or you will get over it once you let go, and many more insensitive lines of advice.

This is the reason people don't talk about it openly because people want to understand only what they go through; anything other than that seems unacceptable or something that can be changed quickly.

I suffer from it, and there's nothing to be ashamed of! We all fall sick, don't we?! All deal with grief differently! Only when you accept it and take the help needed, will you be able to be yourself again; and that includes ignoring the insensitive a**h***s!

Did you know that he used to be out working most of the time? Or how often we used to call each other? Or our bond? Hell no! At least see the time before you open your judgemental little mouths!

On the other hand, my mom and sis cried for days and weeks. They dealt differently. It's 2 years and my mom still cries, and I let her; because I know what happens if you don't.

After 8 months I lost my grandfather because he too couldn't cope with my dad's loss, that was when I cried. I couldn't stop! The reason was, that we had the same burial ground, and when we went there to complete the final rights was when I saw my dad's grave again, and that's the time reality hit me hard (my grandfather saved me one last time). That was when I broke out of my bubble of expecting him to come back or a call.

After that life was never the same; sudden anxiety attacks, mild depression (the degree of it varries from person to person), loss of interest, nightmares (I had few), guilt (wishing I could stop dad from passing somehow). And I was hospitalized on his first death anniversary, for reliving the episode again!

Literally, it felt like the day was happening all over again, and I was trying to stop it but couldn't! That affected my vitals, my pulse rate and BP went high, and I had to be hospitalized for a day. After that, I have to always carry my SOS tablet, which I need to take if I have a sudden attack. All these above, sprinkled with insensitive advice and comments. 

My purpose in sharing this is to tell that them's okay! It's okay if you suffer from PTSD (Or any other mental health-related issue)! You need to accept and live with it for the sake of the ones you love and who love you.

Find those who really care, and talk to them, go to a therapist (psychiatrist or counsellor), take medication if needed; and do not be ashamed.

Believe me, you can do it! And I'm not just saying it, I know it! It's been 2 years for me; I'm almost on no meds now, weaned off my SOS (I still like carrying it with me, gives me security). I have one or two awesome friends (And many who can accept only the happy me, so I give them only the happy side of me! Basically, not my actual friends!), a supportive husband and mother, and an amazing 4-year-old daughter.

I still haven't gone to my dad's grave, and I won't rush too. I'll do it someday, or maybe not. The only thing that matters is, moving forward.

It would be a lot easier if people try to comprehend the fact that it's not us holding to the past, it's the past holding on to us! If you can't understand us, just smile and let us go. No need to compare. We are not weaker or stronger. The fact is just simple; we all are different.

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