I am a 29 year old girl belonging to a very strict family. I have been through a lot of problems in my life. There are numerous turning points in my life and I am going to share one with you.

So, last year I was facing a real big problem in my life and it was very difficult to deal with it. I had no one to help me, no one to support and none to share my problems with and last but not the least I didn't have enough time for it or for myself. I had become a machine in the hands of my fate, through my family. I was facing a great injustice.

Then one day, on Facebook I got a friend request from a business account and I accepted it thinking that it was run by a lady. They inboxed me and told me to ping on their number so that I can be updated with the latest products and I did it. After some days, I ordered an item from them and then I had a good chat with that person who then told me his name. Then, I got to know that it was a male on other side.

I observed that his name was a bit different and his profile, really attractive. He continuously checked my poetry, my writings on my whatsapp status and praised them. Then I checked his personal account on Facebook by his own name. His profile was so attractive and well organized that I got something in my head. I didn't fall for him, not at all. I didn't love him because of his fame and all that as I had already been in love with another man. One I couldn't have.

It was a failed love story but yes I was attracted to him because I thought this is a good man. What if he manages to send a marriage proposal for me, as my parents didn't have any  concern for my marriage, not even a bit. I thought that being friendly with him could be fruitful. He became my very good friend. Days passed and he continued talking to me. In fact he became addicted to me and eventually fell for me. I could see that but he hadn't confessed yet and we hadn't yet seen each other. I just believed whatever he and his social networking profile said about him and i was fully convinced that my family will approve of our marriage. I just wanted an arranged marriage arranged by me but not letting my parents know about our contact etc.

‌So one fine day, he asked me about love and I told him about my one sided love story(with another man). He got hurt and began to tell me that I was wrong. He even said that he will stay away from me but I didn't let him go. After sometime he broke down and told me that he feels for me and I was so emotionally convinced that i told him the truth. The truth of my intention of marrying him. He said it implies that you love me. To which I responded negatively, and spoke the truth.

I didn't love him but I respected his love for me so I would continuously tell him that if he's ready he can send marriage proposal to my parents and if he's not ready yet I will wait but we will not be in a relationship as I didn't like it and it will be fake from my side. Since I didn't have such emotions for him, but he wasn't convinced a bit. This continued for sometime but his condition was becoming worse so eventually I agreed and we got into a relationship (forcefully) for his sake.

It was going well. We chatted, talked late night often. We had very deep love talks. He made me feel very special by making love to me on phone and on texts. Now, it was my turn to be addicted to him. It felt like I couldn't breathe without him. This wasn't love not at all as I continuously felt love for my first but incomplete love, but I was addicted to this man.

Finally, the time came when we had to meet for the first time. He had told me that he doesn't care about how I look. I also told him the same because I had pictured him as someone very rare, very handsome and very successful, as I had heard from him many times that he had got proposals from high class girls but he had rejected them n all. I even thought and asked him what if his parents don't accept me to which he said he will make everything possible.

So, we planned and we met. When I saw him I didn't believe it. I even reconfirmed by calling him and he told me yes its me in blue. But I was shocked, as he looked 100% opposite of what he had told me. The first thing that came in my mind was, "my parents won't agree for him". He was an unsuccessful, torn kind of a person and everyone could see clearly that he was a chain smoker. But what could have been done at that time. I was confused but he was very happy and he didn't take his eyes off me. Not even for a second. He told me I am beautiful and he's not worthy of me, and I was amused. 

So many questions now wrecked my mind. Why didn't he tell me the truth? Now what will I do? If I reject him it will be like I am materialistic and I bother about such stuff and above all the thought of his heart breaking very badly didn't let me go away and I stayed. He took me to his office which was also opposite of what he had told me. I talked a lot, he made me feel very special and eventually we couldn't stop and we hugged each other, kissed and continued to do romance for good time. I felt very good and I reciprocated to him. This was my biggest mistake.

Next day, I realised that I should stop talking to him. I should clear all this as it can get deeper and deeper day by day and that my parents won't agree for our marriage and I will not be able to convince them as my parents are very strict. I myself wasn't convinced so how could I convince my parents for him. ‌But after 2-3 days, I unblocked him and started it all again because he had approached me and was so much in pain that he would have killed himself and blamed me.

He did every possible thing to bring me back and it was a kind of emotional blackmail. I was so guilty conscious that I began to talk to him again. Once again I told him that it wasn't a good relationship at all and we should stop and wait for the right moment and when he was ready he could send a marriage proposal. Though I won't be able to help him in this regard because my parents won't agree with our marriage. He asked why but I couldn't answer his question. Thankfully, he didn't insist more about this and told me he will do every possible thing to be with me and that will include magic also.

That was the point, I was once again convinced by him and this continued for almost 3 months. We met almost 5 times and broke up many times, the reason being the same but again patched up and continued the same. We didn't have sex but yes, we romanced a lot. I used to send him my topless pics and we talked on video calls but every time we met or video chatted I didn't look at him with any interest. I was reciprocating his love only. ‌

Once here in our region, an uncertain curfew started and everything was shut. Even communication was barred for months and I knew it was the right time to take the decision. I succeeded, then after 3/4 months when the mobile phones were restored I immediately blocked all his numbers. But, he continued to call like anything and began to send sms. I ignored everything. Then after a week he warned me about the consequences.

He texted he will harm himself. He always used to torture and emotionally black mail me like this as a result I had to carry this unwanted relationship for months! But this time, I was strong. I just made my mind and wrote everything about it to him. I told him to do whatever he wants but I can not lie to myself anymore. To which he was so heart broken that he didn't say a word to me after that, till now.

Yes, everything is over. I am free now but I have a guilt inside. Guilt of breaking his heart. Guilt of getting so close to him emotionally as well as physically.

But you tell me, what was the other way? Tell me how to escape now? Kindly judge me and I will be able to get the answer. ‌

One thing more, he still has my number saved in his phone. I just checked it last week by saving his number in my phone again and saw his WhatsApp status. Then I blocked it and deleted it again. ‌

Note: I did it because I knew if he would send marriage proposal to my home, my family would judge him and reject him. That would have been more painful. I didn't love him so I didn't know what would have been our feeling and life after that, even though I was ready to compromise, just because he loved me but I couldn't have convinced my parents for him.

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