So now, it was time to inform my family – that I had already resigned from my previous and had landed on a new one as an English teacher abroad. It sounded so simple, no? But it wasn’t. With a hell lot of dramas, calls from all my relatives and dad shouting and counselling me every single day, I was going crazy. But I had made up my mind – mujhe toh jana hai, udhna hai, achanak se woh Ranbir Kapoor from Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani yaad aagyi thi mujhe!

Leaving the company L&T was never easy but I thought to myself, “C’mon Anuja, mat ruk. Go ahead! Big goals are waiting for you” and I left.

So now, I was in an unknown country amidst unknown people. Those five months were a few of the best days of my life. As time went by, I didn’t feel like to continue anymore and I was in tears – reason being I was not justifying to what I was doing i.e. teaching English. I was failing and unable to communicate properly. I called up my brother who has always been there with me even when I was wrong.

I told him how unhappy I was, to which he said, “You can’t run away. You have chosen this for yourself. Go chase it, conquer it, and come back.”

I had my ego too. “Boss ekdum attitude mein job chor ke aagayi hu, ab wapas jana nai banta” So I learnt Spanish within a span of two months. I was able to speak and understand Spanish without any formal training. Everything was going good but at times, I felt lonely – I had no one to share in person and no one to burst out my emotions too. Then again came another whirl – my tourist visa had expired and I had not got my work visa. There were constant call meetings with my organization who had hired me but no results. Finally, I along with few of my Indian fellows went to Ministry of Foreign Affairs and with little Indian melodrama, I managed to get inside the office.

When I had a talk with the officer-in-charge, he handed me over a paper and that paper was a formal letter which stated that my visa application had been suspended.

I was an illegal immigrant in their country now. So I asked for the solution – bhala aadmi tha kafi, he helped me set up a meeting with foreign affair minister. Jaise yaha Sushma Swaraj ji hai, waise waha Christhian Cruz thi. So I met her and told her about my situation. In a very kind way, she suggested me to leave their country because laws were going to change in a week and if I stayed and left after that, then I would need to pay a fine. And also, my passport would be ban for 1 year. “Ab socha kya karu? Aage kya? India jake, ghar jake kya karu? Joi job nai hai! Ghar walo se kya kahu? Woh baju wali sari auntiyon ka kon sunega?” Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind.

Then don’t know what happened, and I suddenly decided that I had to go back – aage ka aage dekh lenge.

So I booked my tickets – informed my dad that I was coming. By the way, in these five months, I had cracked one more job which was in Bolivia for Cambridge University with a good salary. So I had some backup. I came back home, everything was great. Then I broke the news to my dad that I had to go again and this time, it was Bolivia.

Ab ye daal kuch dal nai rahi thi. It was a straight NO. And somewhere, I didn’t have that strong feeling ki mujhe jana hai, udna hai, aasman chuna hai. So I just gave up. When I left L&T in 2017, I had this belief in me – ‘teaching karna hai,’ this was what I had always wanted to do. To talk to people, have an impact on them, and influence them. But I was not consistent enough to follow it or stick to it. I just gave up – I gave up on my dream to become a teacher and I also lost belief in myself.

My belief in my dreams and commitments had turned into an empty bin of emotions as I proved myself wrong.

I was not strong enough to walk on that path which I had chosen and chase my dreams. And for me, this was not enough – I started searching for jobs in software testing again now. Those three months of my job search were the best of worst days – I got rejected everywhere. Kahi technicals me, to kahi stability issue. Of course, who would trust someone who left L&T and went somewhere and again, came back? What if she left their organization, too? So I was all depressed by that time and this was when I decided to perform in open mics, “kab tak dusro ko dekh ke taaliyaa bajau.” So I got my 1st slot for an open mic in Feb. I went alone and I also underperformed at that time, but the best part was that with that performance my emotions came out and I felt better. So I started writing with the point of view that I was going to perform this piece somewhere, someday. Later on, I got chances but I was so lazy that I registered myself but never went.

I felt bad, I felt annoyed with myself because I was restricting the inner me.

I told you almost everything about me just for one reason – if you choose something, just go for it without any second thoughts. Don’t look back or give up on your dreams and if you do then, have the courage to walk the way back and start again.

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