Everyday is different, some days I feel I have moved on, some days I feel stuck in the past. "Don't run after a girl you like, be yourself and wait for the right one to show up, a girl who will love you." Call me stupid, filmy, lazy but this was always the mantra I had in mind when it came to the idea of a relationship.

It was a long wait but that person did show up when I was 22, it was the second year of my Engineering college and she was my classmate.

Well I never went scouting for girls, so never had looked at her from that aspect. It all started with a group interaction, we were introduced to each other and the first meeting was okay, Hi's and hello's were exchanged that's it, there was still nothing. Then things started to take an interesting turn. Back in the day there was no WhatsApp, we had unlimited SMSes as our only mode of communication. So following the trend, I got an SMS scheme registered, and I'd send messages to all my friends pretty regularly.

One fine Saturday Morning, this classmate of mine replied and started chatting with me and we did this for a whole day, this was crazy and happening with me for the first time. This led us to being very good friends in a short span of time. Things moved very fast when I went to drop her at the station late at night on the last day of our college festival. It was March 19!

Something happened between us, there was this spark. We could feel the butterflies in our stomachs, she was getting attracted to me and vice versa. She started flirting with me and we used to text each other sitting in the same class and had those lovely eye contacts as we were in the same class. Then eventually we were like the perfect couple.

April 14 was the day we first kissed and it was passionate as well as awkward because I was not sure if we were going too fast. I asked her if she really wanted to do it and bam! She kissed me. I still find it very amusing! We were happy, with our childish love of being with each other throughout the day in college, we would always be seen together, will sit at the station to avoid going home and have long chats, message each other as soon as we boarded the train, wake each other up via calls, have late night calls if the other one was willing to talk.

It was beautiful and heart warming. We had become emotional pillars for each other. We became the IT couple through the years in Engineering and somewhere down the line I thought life was all figured out. Just pass out of college, get placed in the same company, get married and live happily ever after. But that's not what life is, it has ways to ruin your plans.

Same thing happened with me, well in the final year, we were not getting placed in the same company, we both were getting rejected in the aptitude rounds and if one made it through the aptitude, other one would not. We both went into depression in our own ways, but she fought it well and had the guts to go and crack an MNC interview, which I told her not to go for as there was this tough paper in between and I thought she might get a KT in final year. She proved me wrong and got placed in the MNC, and passed the exam as well.

I was happy for her, very very happy but at the same time, was still in depression and jobless. You see, I wanted to marry this girl and now she had a decent job, at the age of 23 and I was still jobless. I started getting negative thoughts. But still I managed to get a grossly low paying job in an MNC, which I could only do for 6 months. She was always supportive of me but now we did not talk or meet as much as we used to do in our college days.

A year passed by and she joined her MNC and moved into a bigger world, I was still jobless and sitting at home, our communication decreased further as I was always talking nonsense in my depression and the fear of not landing a job and ultimately not being able to marry her. At the same time she started thinking I was jealous of her for working in an MNC, which was never the case. She forced me to get a night shift in one of the MNCs saying that I could always change it after gaining experience.

The problem started when I joined this company, my project did not allow phones and on top of everything, it was a night shift, so we never got the time to talk. Within months her attitude changed and she told me "I don't feel the same for you now, I want to focus on my career and I tried to find reasons to break up, which I was unsuccessful at doing."

I had lost all the respect for her and she started ignoring me. After a point I was told by my office colleagues what she was doing on a specific day when she had to work out of a specific location that was located in the building next to mine. I was waiting for her call roaming around in her office but she never called me. Before I knew it, we had our fight and we stopped talking. I was still not over the fact that this girl who came to me, who was always into being together, she just walked away from my life without even facing me, she broke up on a phone call. I tried to connect with her, but she left no stones unturned to go far away from me. Finally, she blocked my number as my passion was becoming an obsession.

There's a fine line between being passionate and being obsessively berserk. I am glad I stopped and did not cross the line. I am still not able to get over the fact that a person who is so into you can simply walk away like this. She had moved out of my life, ignored all the mutual friends even though we were in the same class. How are girls so strong?

I have not dated anyone after her and I'm still confused about what happened with us. After my breakup, I used to tell people my story, but soon I relaized it was fun for the people to see me being miserable. So I decided never to share how I felt about her till date.

I have changed as a person now, I still wish all the good things for her, want to talk to her but don't want her back in my life. These are mixed feelings, I hope you read this and realize it's me, just remember the times we were together and smile.

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