At times I feel I was destined to go through all the pain to learn detachment as I am not a person to easily let go.

So all this happened 5 years ago when I pinged a Facebook friend, out of boredom. Someone who was 'friends' with me since the Orkut days. Our casual conversation progressed to sharing numbers and texting everyday. I am not a person who prefers meeting and long phone calls, so communication was limited to messages. A year later, I decided to meet this online friend of mine. I was very nervous as he was the first online friend I was meeting personally.

I arrived late and as soon as I saw him, I fell for him.

Does 'love at first sight' sound cheesy? Then you should have been there when he showed up in his aviators, and a casual blue shirt tucked into his jeans, looking just so perfect. He was angry because I was late. He is a very impatient person, but he calmed down and we went for lunch. He treated me like any friend would, and tried every bit to make me feel comfortable. 

Days went by- I had a huge crush on him and it was one-sided only. This was obvious as I was overweight, and not so good looking. He was a gym freak with great looks.

Another year went by. Our conversations remained casual but now I knew everything about him and his family. He had major anger issues and he would get angry for petty reasons and stop texting. One day, he told me he was going abroad to look for a job and he would be resigning from his current MNC soon.

I had just finished my graduation and was looking out for colleges to enroll myself for an MBA and an idea struck me. As he had 6 months here, I decided I would get into a college that is near his house so I could meet him regularly. To my luck, I found one of the top colleges that was at walking distance from his house. I got myself admitted there. I told him I had got into that college but that was not the reason he was happy. It all began there.

We ended up meeting everyday after my classes. We both always had a lot to talk when we met. I would dress up in the best way possible and he would never notice anything. Still, I didn't give up. Three months had passed before we knew it, and my crush had turned to love, yet there was nothing from his side.

I met him and teased him about his unkempt beard and hair, which had seemed to have grown out of control since we first met, and he always blamed his work that kept him busy. I tried hinting him about what I felt for him but he never understood, and I decided I cannot do this to myself. I thought I should tell him and then stop meeting him. 

The day came and I confessed everything about how I fell for him the day I saw him and why I had joined this college. He was taken back. He said 'no' in the politest manner possible. I understood and told him that I could not let it grow. So we had to stop meeting everyday. He didn't stop me. I stopped messaging him as well. 

A week passed by and I had convinced myself that this was one-sided and also this was the first time I had confessed my feelings for someone. I got a call from him just when my class was over. All he said was that he is waiting for me outside and asked me to meet him. His tone was very different, and he sounded sad. Although I didn't want to meet, I thought perhaps he was in trouble and decided to go ahead. 

I saw that he hadn't shaved for days. He still managed to look great. I met him and asked him if everything was alright and in reply, he held my hand and said "Don't leave me, please".

It broke my heart to see him so sad. I had never seen him in that forlorn state before. Yet, I had to tell him how difficult it was for me, and asked him to let it go. He said that there was something he needed to tell me, and after that I could decide if I still loved him or not.

Three months before that, the same three months that had gone by since I joined this college, he had proposed a girl whom he was in love with for a long time. That girl was his jiju's niece and he had known her for a long time. She had said yes and it all went well for a week. She lived in a different state and one day, he got a call from her saying that she was near his house and had come to meet him. He was very happy and booked a hotel for her. As soon as they got into the room, she jumped on him and started kissing him. He was shocked as he did not expect that she would take the first step to intimacy so soon, and they ended up in bed. 

The next day when he dropped her off, he got a few messages with the girl's nudes and her intimate conversation with some other guy. He realized that she was two-timing and left her. She kept on coming back, saying that she had learnt her lesson, but it had become too ugly for him to take her back. He had nightmares and was suicidal due to the betrayal.

I was hurt that he loved someone else, and I was hurt that he had to go through all that. After listening to him, I told him that nothing changed after his confession, and I loved him even more for being truthful to me. 

Our journey began that day, but he told me that he was particular about certain things. The first being that I need to lose weight. Love makes people move mountains, and losing weight looked simple to me. For two years, I dedicated myself to losing weight, and I lost 30 kgs! And then he asked me to put braces. I did it, and by far it is the most painful thing I have done. I had to get stitches on my gums as well.

This was a very big achievement for me and I told him that I wanted to meet his family. He was not convinced, but I forced him. He took me home and everything went fine. His sisters were a little cold but I didn't mind. I learnt a few days later they didn't like me as they thought I was overweight. I was shattered but I told him I'll try to workout more. 

In these two years, I learnt that he is not someone who expresses freely. He wasn't comfortable responding every time I said 'I love you'. I, on the other hand, was very expressive and expected the same in return but I put up with it.

A few months went by and I realized that all these years, I kept trying to be perfect for him, and not a day did he say I was perfect the way I am and accepted me, even after realizing that I had come a long way.

After two and a half years, I decided to walk out with a lot of courage. I had argued with him many times for various issues and he used to make up for it every time. This time, he didn't stop me even after two months went by. I couldn't stop myself and ended up asking him to meet me again. I was with him like nothing had changed. I held his hand and spoke about how much I missed him. He was a little cold and didn't reciprocate. He told me his family had started looking out for girls but I laughed at it and brushed it off.

As we were walking, he told me a very mean thing. He said that he always had it in his mind that if it didn't work out with me, he would marry his ex. I was taken back, I had received many such messages from her in these two years, where the girl claimed she was in love with him and she will wait for him. She also used to send her nudes to him. She did everything possible to have him back, but it never mattered to me as he always kept me informed about every message from her. But when he told me he would marry her, it shattered me. I blocked him again and after two months, I got a notification about his engagement with his ex. It was a long distance engagement on Skype as she stayed abroad. 

I was awake for three nights in a row, breathing but feeling dead. I took the courage to congratulate them but it made me doubt our years of togetherness.

A week later, she pinged me asking if I was in touch with him, I told her I wouldn't let her go through the same fear I went through, and she became rude and sarcastic with me. I was already in pain, so I ended up texting him about it. He apologized on her behalf. I learnt in a week that they had arguments everyday about everything and he always ended up comparing her with me, and mentioning how much he regretted his decision. I thought he missed me like never before and for a change, he was being vocal about it. 

It was his birthday the next day. For the last three years, I had been surprising him in different ways, and this year though I was hesitant, I knew I would never get a chance again. So I surprised him for one last time. I went to his office and when he saw me, he had tears in his eyes.

I had never seen him this weak, and I couldn't control my tears either. I didn't let it be a crying day, so changed the topic and gave him boxes of all his favourite chocolates, and we went out for lunch. We were friends again. 

He requested me to stay in touch until his marriage. He said that being with me made him realize what he was missing in his life. He discussed all the problems he was facing with her and how insecure she felt, and how he had to send pictures to make her trust his whereabouts. He told me that all they did was argue everyday. 

We met thrice that month and each time, he said it was as easy as breathing when he was with me. I made his life peaceful. He was being just the way I always wanted him to be. He held my waist, my hand, every moment and frequently gave me a peck on my cheek. It was a dream delayed, but come true.

I went back home and broke down when reality hit me. I told him this wasn't right and asked him never to meet me ever again. I am undergoing depression, high blood pressure, and I'm under medication now. He is about to get married in a couple of months and I hope I have the strength to live through that day.

Share This Story