Confession Love Relationships one-sided love

I Waited For A Year To Talk To Her But By The Time I Gathered Courage, Everything Backfired

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

From childhood itself, my ambition was to become an IPS officer, but this episode happened in my graduation days. Those were my 2nd year graduation days, in 2010. One day in my computer lab, I saw a girl with charming eyes, glowing face, and a beautiful dress. I came to know that she was my junior but except that, I knew nothing about her.

After one month, I came to know that her last name was 'Soni' and she was a Marwadi girl. I tried to find out her name, but I had no clue. One day, I went to her class when they were in the lab and found her name in one of her books. I was surprised that such a beautiful girl had such a common name! So I nicknamed her 'Baagi'.

Daily, I went to her street to see her. Being a South Indian guy, I hardly knew Hindi to communicate with her. But slowly, I learnt the language by watching Colors and other Hindi movie channels. Days were passing by, but not a single opportunity presented itself for us to meet or talk. May be because of fear or something ringing in my heart, I hardly revealed this matter to anyone. When I told one of my friends that I was interested in her, he laughed at me and said "See how you are and see how she is!"

Agreed, I was thin as a stick and she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen.

It put a doubt in my mind- what if she also thinks like my friend? So I took it as a challenge and hit the gym. For 3 months, I spent almost 8 hours in the gym and developed my physique. I finally had an impressive 6-pack body. Until then, we were not introduced to each other. I used to ask some of her classmates to help me, but nobody was willing to do so.

Like this, an entire year went by without any progress. I even failed a semester and had backlogs.  

One fine day, I decided to burst and went to her. For the first time, I was only 4 feet away from her. Her appearance mesmerized me, her eyes were shining stars in broad daylight, her face blossomed like a rose, and her lips stood out in their pinkness. For almost half a minute, I stood there speechless. And then, with a lot of difficulty, I came to my senses and asked her in a shivering voice, "May I speak with you personally for 2 minutes?"

She was with her friends and they all looked at me strangely, wondering how I dared to do this! She stood silently for a minute, then slowly smiled and said, "Sure, but I will out of station for a few days, so I can't talk right now." I asked her when we could meet again, but she left without answering me.  

I was disappointed and went home. But the next day, when I went to college as usual, I saw her again! She had lied about going out of town. My mind froze for a while, but I came out of it. I was so happy to see her so soon! I went to her right then and asked if we could speak. Immediately, she started screaming! I felt ashamed and

"Waste fellow! How many times should I ask you not to come to me?" she screamed. And the worst part was, all this was happening in the middle of the road and everyone was staring at me. I was shocked and I couldn't swallow my shame.

I went home. I couldn't even have my lunch that day. Later, I went to the gym and met my friends for one last time. I wanted to commit suicide. But my friends consoled me even as I was crying like a child. For the first time, I tasted disappointment in the form of chilled beer. From 7 pm to 8 am the next morning, I don't know how much I drank. When I finally woke up, I had a headache that felt like the world was ending. I realized that it was a hangover.

After a few days, I started going to college again. I saw her again. I had to stop my heart beating and my eyes from looking at her too much. I had to make sure I neither loved her nor hated her.

I cleared my semester, my backlogs, and planned for further studies. I had a very difficult time doing this. But throughout, my best friend helped me out. Her name is Neelu. 

(READ THE SECOND PART HERE: I Lost Everything But She Gave Me The Strength To Fight For My Love And My Dreams)

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