I Tried To Un-Love Him To Gain My Self-Respect: I'm Now A Stronger Person

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 24 July, 2017

I can't believe that I have survived through those hard days about which I am going to tell you now. I genuinely feel that I am the heroine of my story. It all started about six years ago. I fell in love with a man. I never thought I would look for someone like him. It was never easy to love a man like him. But I melted down during his constant one year of effort to win me.

Our personalities differed. I was shy and he was bold, aggressive and short tempered. I was more than tolerant. But we both tried to make it work. Thus 3 years passed. Then suddenly he decided to distance himself from me. He was not happy with his own behaviour as he tortured me physically as well as mentally.

It was true that he could not control himself from abusing me. I always tried to neglect the bad aspects of him as I never wanted to lose my best friend. I cried, but failed to prevent the break up. We were studying in the same college, same department.

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We decided not to talk to each other for eight long months. We cared for each other but apparently never expressed this. The whole department was surprised with our story. Then one fine day, with some amazing gesture he again proposed me and pleaded asking me to get back to him.

This time I felt like dancing because the long eight months prayer for the reconciliation of us actually worked. We both fell in love again. Some of my friends told me not to go back to the past. Some other told me, "As he has come back to you, he is actually yours." Whatever it was, I was very happy because this time he was really a changed man. I was proud to have him back. 

Two more years passed and it felt like heaven. The promises, the moments between us were stronger this time. Our relationship caused jealousy to many others. He used to run to my college so that we can return home together. He used to wait for me for hours just to surprise me. We celebrated birthdays, poojas and festivals together.

I got the shock of my life, when he chose to distance himself from me. This time it was forever. One week’s childish misunderstanding made him take such a drastic step. I was torn into thousand pieces. I had my third semester exams in few days time. I begged him to stay with me for few more days. He refused to listen to me.

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He did not answer my calls, texts, and meeting was very unlikely to happen. I waited for him but he did not come. He never explained me the proper reason behind his behaviour. He had given up on me, our relationship and on himself too. I couldn’t do anything about it.

I struggled for 4 to 5 months to regain the lost me. I was interning in accompany, where I knew nobody. There was nobody to help me out. I had to learn many things which he promised to teach me because it was his area of excellence. My guide tried to pin me down with work pressure, threatened me with his impossible deadlines and finally I proved him wrong.

Yes, I was surprised seeing the new me. He was no more the knight in shining armour, it was me. Now I know myself better. I no longer wait for the wrong person I had chosen one day. May be he was everything to me. He was my best friend wrapped in form of eternal love. But he was also someone who couldn’t take a stand for his own decisions. He was fragile, indecisive and didn’t deserve my efforts and patience.

I have decided not to shatter myself for someone, who dares to leave me during my utmost need. No doubt he gave me some irreplaceable memories. But I had to try to un-love him for my self-respect. I am surprised with the way I have grown in my life. I am now a better and a stronger person.

I hope someday he will realise how much I did for our togetherness. I hope someday he will rise, be brave and be a real man.