I Ran Into The Speeding Car, Yes I Did

Padmaja Duvvuri Padmaja Duvvuri in Life Is Tough on 21 September, 2017

Empathy comes to you naturally. I hear many of my friends say this to me.

Stories I hear are, at times from my friends, at times from the people I meet. All the little pieces of anecdotes I collected, all along, I have woven into small stories of fiction. Somewhere these stories may touch your heart, may bring a change in you, and may make you think differently. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. This is one of my stories, dedicated to all the depressed and the angry ones out there. 

I was waiting for the lift on the 15th floor, to get down. My mind was restless with thoughts running havoc. I knew I was irritated, frustrated, and emotional, deeply in pain. The lift was taking a lot of time to get down. Oh, it halted at the 18th. I wished that no one got in. The last thing I wanted to have then was a conversation. I could neither force a smile nor could I exchange any pleasantries at that moment.
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It halted at my floor and yes, there was Mrs. Khanna, looking as beautiful as always. She always had a classic dressing sense. "Hello, Mrs. Preet. It's been long since we met though we reside in the same building" said she. "Yes. I have been busy" I managed to fake it with a smile too. "I'm fine. Very fine. Just waiting to be charred to pieces" I said to myself. 

I got into the car and checked my messages the 57th time in an hour. No message from him. "Yes, he is very busy. Where in the world does he have time to even think of me?" I said to myself. I drove off to the bank and felt accomplished reaching there.

"Phew! Madam, you were supposed to come almost 6 months ago. We were waiting for you. Now even the account would have become dormant!" said the Manager. “I managed a smile again and said yes, “I have been busy." "Sorry. Could you please help me?" Yes, he did explain to me those tedious steps in order to recover my account. But I hadn't concentrated enough. I was lost in my trail of thoughts.

Days ran into weeks and weeks into months. I no longer wished to take up any new task. I felt lethargic, weak and hopeless all the time. I wished I had died!

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I had got no friend, no enemy and absolutely no soul to lean on. There were people but not someone whom I could call as mine. I got Prakash's message. He wrote, "Hey what’s up!" I had a smile on face. I eagerly opened the message feeling glad someone just asked about me. I opened the message and realised that he was not online. I said, nothing and chucked it. I checked for the double tick and waited a minute to be read. No, he wasn't online. I assumed that he was busy.

I messaged Asha and told her about his message. I drove to the nearby cafe. While having coffee, the mind raced back to the conversation I had with Neeraj.

"Do you even know how lonely I feel Neeraj? You are too busy at work. Children are settled in their lives. I have no one to talk to a whole day. Do something for me, please. I'm going mad. I'm getting depressed." I said and looked at him.

He was busy replying to a mail on his laptop. "Honey, can you get me some coffee please?" he requested, clearly ignoring my worries. I managed to make some coffee for him and settled down. I tried talking to him yet but, but failed to convey as he wasn’t interested in me.

Anju asked what the matter was. When I tried talking, she brushed it off asking me to go and spend time with aunties or get a spa. She talked about some project and walked off saying that she wouldn't be coming home that night. Tears filled my eyes while I stirred the coffee. I felt angry for the tears. "So what if it's been just 6 years now that I was feeling so lonely. Why in the world did I need someone to talk to? Look at that couple on that table. How happy and in love they seem. So what if I'm alone in the world? Why should I cry? I hated myself. I wish I could die." I told myself.

I paid the bill and walked out the cafe. I started walking towards the car feeling miserable. Gosh, I have 600 plus friends on Facebook, 2500+ contacts on my phone but not one person to talk to. This is so miserable. I threw the phone on the road out of frustration. I cried. I cried a lot. I wanted to tear myself apart. I ran onto the road, towards the speeding car. I ran with all my might. I ran into it. Yes, I did.