I Fell In One-Sided Love For The First Time 12 Years Ago, I'm Married Today But It Still Hurts

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 18 June, 2017

Do you believe in childhood love? Who says love can’t happen when you have just entered your teenage years and you have turned 14?

My story lays way back in the year of 2005 when I was in my ninth grade. I fell in love with my best friend who also happened to be my classmate in school. He meant everything to me.

It wasn’t a first time affair but my feelings for him gradually developed with time. Twelve years back communication wasn’t easy as it is today but still we talked 24X7.

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We belonged to two different religions, our habits were distinctive and our cultures were entirely offbeat. But somehow this made me love him more. I remember keeping Rozas for him and his visits to Durga Puja along with me. Just talking to him once would make my day.

We studied together for all our exams. He wasn’t aware about my feelings towards him and it was purely a one-sided affair. But I was more than happy and completely satisfied to have him by my side. I could never imagine anyone else by my side but him.

I always used to wonder whether I would remember him after 10 odd years and yes after all these years that have passed without him by my side I still remember him each day. The memories of him in my mind and heart haven’t faded away though we don’t even stay in the same country anymore. Our ways separated as soon as we finished school. The friendship of ours (my pride) did not stand the test of time.

By this time I had made my feelings very obvious to him and he did to me what all guys do. He started avoiding me. I was left heartbroken.
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You know it sucks when the only person who can make you feel better leaves you. It felt like a 1000 knives were piercing my heart at one go. I loved him even when I knew that he didn’t love me back. I lost somebody who wasn’t even mine. I cried myself to bed each day. I screwed my higher secondary exams. While travelling in public bus I used to pray if I could see him once. I would stare at my cell phone and would keep waiting for his one phone call (though that call never came). After my high school I moved out of the city but still couldn’t get over him. I always wanted one last chance to talk to him and explain things to him. After all he was my first love.

When I came to this beautiful city in the east of the country, I met a person who happens to be my husband now. I told him everything about my past and he accepted it with all his heart. We dated for 7 long years before we got married recently. But because of the childhood heartbreak I had suffered, I think I will never be able to reciprocate the same kind of love that my husband feels for me.

I respect and adore him with all my heart. But there is still a void inside my heart that can never be filled.

For my husband I am his first love and he proudly flaunts that but for me it was that guy who never loved me back. After these twelve long years I still dream about him and somewhere I have hope that one day he will realize how much I loved him.

Now it’s too late for anything to be done but I pray that nobody goes through a situation wherein so much is left untold.
Editor's Note:

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