I Don’t Know What I Was Even Thinking When I Decided To Call You. I Knew I Was Making A Mistake.
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*For representational purpose only.
"Hello!!!” I spoke after hours of vacillation, building all the courage I had without thinking about the repercussions.
I called him yet again this year on the same day; the day we started dating, the day we expressed our love a decade back.
He received the call with “Hello!! Who is this?” Although my heart wrenched, I was happy to hear his voice after what seems like forever.
“How are you?” I uttered in a low hesitant voice. He now seemed to have recognized my voice and quipped “I am good, how are you?”
I had so many thoughts rotating and churning my head but tried to maintain a calm demeanour, I replied, “Very well.”
After an awkward silence, I commenced saying, “I called you because, umm, I... I just...just wanted to talk to you, nothing very specific. I hope you are not busy else I will…”
No, I am not, go on,” his cold replies yet again made it more difficult for me to continue.
“It’s been a decade Nikhil, today! Do you remember?”
“For?”
“Us.”
“I can’t believe you still have those dates on your mind? Come on, It’s been a decade, 10 years!!! We were kids then, get out of it. I thought we have moved on!! Bringing it up again after years like this, what do you even want?”
What do I even want? I thought to myself. I don’t know, I really don’t know why I called him, I had no reason to. It was long ago…years ago. He had left me with no sign of return. Then what did I even want?
“Maybe I want that one day you come back to me, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, 5 years later, on my wedding day, after I have kids or even when I am lying on my death bed in an ICU. I would still run away with you as I had once promised.
But I know, I know, it would never happen and so I, at least, want you to say me whatever we had was true, was love, and was real from both the shores. Can you?
And if even that doesn’t seem possible for you, I want you to always be happy. Tell me what can you give me?”
There was a long awkward pause again and only to realize that the phone was disconnected yet again.
Happy anniversary,” I said to myself.
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