Dear Dad, Was Your Reputation Really So Important?

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 28 July, 2017

I was like any girl in her twenties, happy, carefree, with dreams of enjoying my life to the fullest. But destiny had something different in store for me

Being the only child, I was very pampered since childhood. I started dating when I was in higher secondary. My first boyfriend was perfect boyfriend-material, but ultimately, I ditched him without any apparent reason. He was a bit broken by my decision because he had feelings for me but I never felt the same for him. For me, all of this was like a mere game, where if you didn’t ditch someone, that someone would ditch you.

Today, I curse my then mentality, but the past cannot be altered.
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After him, several boys came into my life and I continued dating and ditching them. Little did I know that life had already planned something totally ‘out of the box’ for me. The tsunami of boys in my life stopped when I started spending most of my time with a cousin of mine.

Rohit was 4 years older than me but we were very compatible and had a similar thought process. In a short span of a year, I started developing feelings for him.

I was unaware of his feelings because I never knew what true love felt like. And then one day, I realized that I was in love with my cousin!

What followed was guilt, fear, and shock. Those feelings just tore me apart. Every night became hell for me. I would cry the entire night and the next day, I’d go to college with hollow eyes and an absent mind. Rohit was quick to notice this gradual change within me and he kept asking me what was wrong. But what could I say, how could I tell him that I loved him when he probably thought of me as his younger sister!

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I was ashamed of my feelings and started maintaining a distance from him. He never bombarded me with questions or made me uneasy, instead he gave me time and space, but nothing was going well.

One fine day, I gathered all my inner courage and decided to confess my feelings to him. I was extremely afraid but determination was the key. By the time I decided to open my heart, he had moved to a different city. Yet, I plucked up my courage and dialed his number. Hearing his voice calmed my soul; it was like his voice refueled me with ounces of energy. After the initial greetings, I directly came to the point. Speaking in a soft undertone, I asked, "Do you like me?"

He was a bit perplexed but said, “Yes, I like you as a cute cousin.” It broke my heart but I continued, "I mean, in the other way." That’s when he understood what I meant. There was pin-drop silence at both ends. Finally he spoke up, “Give me some time Vero.” And he hung up.

I didn’t know what was going to happen but I decided to leave everything to the Almighty. On the same night, I got a call from him. I was delighted to the core. I answered and he said, "I like you too Vero but you know that our relationship is wrong. We have no future together. Our families would never approve of this relationship."

I was also consumed with mixed feelings but I said, “If you love me, then I am ready to walk that extra mile for you. We will try our best and together make our families understand, and I am sure that they will understand.”
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Initially he didn’t budge, but ultimately, his love for me united us. Everything seemed like a dream come true. We were the perfect couple; he completed me in every way. We did have our troubles but were extremely happy with each other. Even my friends felt that we were just made for each other. But sometimes, God also envies your happiness.

After almost two years of being together, the news of our relationship reached my father. That’s when our hard times began.

My dad confronted both of us. I couldn't lie and Rohit too didn't have the courage to deny. All our family members became our foes. I had never seen this side of my father, unforgiving and harsh. Since childhood, he had never even raised his voice at me.

When Dad threatened to destroy his career, shock overpowered me. I tried to fight back but I was locked in a room while Rohit was insulted to the core.

The worst part was when my dad fainted because of all this anxiety. He had to be rushed to the hospital and I was not even allowed to see him. The following morning, when he felt a little better, Rohit and I were made to sit together. We were threatened to forget the relationship, or else we would either be killed by my dearest dad or expelled from our respective homes.

I was tongue-tied and so was he. I took an oath to forget him. This act of mine was like stabbing a dagger in my boyfriend's heart. But I had no other alternative! His life was precious to me and I knew that my dad could do anything, even though Rohit was his own nephew

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Dad's love for his reputation killed our love. He was always worried about, "What would people think about us!”

After that day, Rohit and I never spoke. He probably hates me for leaving him. He pretends that he doesn’t even know me but I know that deep down, he still loves me. I too love him but we’ve been forced to live like this. His hatred does kill me but I have no option but to bear it.

Thank you Dad for making me a living dead body, for making me incomplete and weak. A girl who was once enthusiastic and ambitious has now become nothing more than a robot.

Thank you for everything! I don’t hate but you but I don’t love you either, like I once did.