My relationship is dying a slow death. Both of us are trying hard to revive it, but this time, fate has the upper hand. Maybe sometimes love doesn’t win. Perhaps love has never won, but the idea of how perfect love prevails is still on my mind. It’s evident that we both love each other, but the circumstances are insane and no matter how hard we both try, everything comes crumbling down.
Soon, my partner may end up marrying someone else just because his parents want him to. They don’t approve of me. I understand. I’m 13 years younger than him. And they believe that I won’t be able to manage their household. They know this is my time to work hard and have a career. I am free-spirited, nonchalant and naïve.
Although sometimes, I do have this pessimistic idea that maybe, I’m not good enough for them. Their doubts fuel my insecurities and capabilities. I don’t know if the reason for their resentment is my age, or something entirely different. Even though age has never truly been a factor in our love, it seems society has made this decision for us; two people with such a vast age gap, can’t be together.
I remember how my friends had reacted when they heard about our relationship. Each of them dismissed us and took their time to tell me that it won’t last. Some even called him a predator. Knowing how society is, I appreciated their concern and understood their apprehension, but knowing him, loving him, I know he’s only loved me from the bottom of his heart. It may sound clichéd, but it was a fact. They believed that our rendezvous would come to an end, no matter what, no matter how long we tried to stretch it.
We have been together for over three years now, all to just watch these years of pure joy, slowly being set ablaze and turning into ashes, it’s disheartening.
We engulfed ourselves, with the thoughts of our future, but in doing that, we completely forgot about our present. I want to accept the fact that we might not end up together after being each other’s support all this time. He wants a better future for me. He wants me to accomplish my ambitions, live a good life, and make him proud.
It’s such a magnanimous responsibility for these tiny shoulders of mine.
I too want a vibrant future for myself, but not one without him. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not have him joking around me; not eating together; not traveling together. We used to dance in our immaculate, white clothes around the universe and now, we are slowly drifting apart. And I know someday, that black hole will pull me in. I am reliving the past, dreaming of the future but stoic in the present.
I am too emotional. Separation isn’t easy and eventually, people move on. But do they? I never did. I cannot. He is far more practical than I am. He uses logic and reasoning to hide his pain, but I know he is aching. I can see through him. But why do we have to suffer so much? Why is loving and sustaining a relationship, an everlasting one, have to be so grueling?
I understand the hardships that life has to offer, but I can’t comprehend the reasons behind them. Everything is so abstruse; the obscurity, the emptiness, it’s unbearable. I want to experience the satisfaction of being with him all my life. I know things get bitter over time, and to make a marriage work is still a conundrum but I think love, in the all-powerful, almighty. I know it can’t disappoint. I have high hopes for love and love is under pressure now, to prove itself for once.
We might be fettered by destiny, but someday, maybe we will swim in the ocean of ecstasy, together.