He had been a really special friend right from the day I met him. Studying in the same college and being in the same batch, he was the one I could I trust my life with. He was my 3 am friend, my shoulder to cry on, always there to cheer me up and my idea of perfect man.

I won't deny I had a crush on him, but I come from a really conservative family and I knew an inter-religion relationship is never going to work for me.

Moreover, I was a small town girl, he was a Mumbai guy. I came from a middle class family, he was the only son of a super rich dad. It wasn't just that I was a Muslim and he was a Hindu, we belonged to two different worlds.

So, friends we stayed, for a good 4 years. And then suddenly one day he took me for dinner. Something I never expected would happen.

He said "You are the girl I've always wanted to have in my life. You are the love of my life. You are the person who perfectly fits in my story, my family, my life. I want to marry you. Will you marry me?" 

I was taken aback. I thought it to be some kind of a joke. He was the most awesome guy I knew. Someone who always tried to understand me, who knew the value of family, respected me, whom I respected. It was unbelievable that I could get so lucky. I was not sure if I deserved someone like him to love me. So I said no. But then over the next year, we got to know each other even better and better. Everyday I fell for him a little more. We didn’t even realize when we moved from the best friends tag to soulmates.

After college we started working together. Our love story seemed like a fairy tale. I loved the way he accepted our relationship in front of the world. And how he introduced me to everyone as the one he was going to marry. Maybe those feelings clouded my judgement. I was living in some dreamland.

I forgot that life is much more difficult and that being practical is what is needed to live your life successfully. I dreamt about our future together.

I started shaping my dreams to suit his. I started to feel like I was a part of his family. I knew my family was never going to approve of my relationship with him. So, somehow I started drifting away from them.

I talked much less to them. Started keeping secrets. And made him the centre of my life. I didn't realise I was crossing the line when I slept with him. I felt that it was just a matter of time that we get married. I must admit I was actually crazy about him. I believed every single thing he said.

I believed it when he said, "you are the most important part of my life and I will convince both our parents. I cannot imagine my life without you."

We were so in love with each other. I was living the life of my dreams. And suddenly, one fine day he called and told me that he spoke with his parents about us and due to the Hindu Muslim story line they were strictly against it. And that he cannot choose between them and me. And that he wanted to be a good son. And that was it. He was done with it. 

He wanted to be just friends after that. He didn't care that I lived alone, away from my home and how I will survive this news. I got in the worst phase of my life. I couldn't sleep at night. I would go for days without a proper meal. I would cry almost every few hours. I laid on the cold kitchen floor remembering all the times we spent together. I cursed myself for believing him. For letting him in, in my life. For allowing him to touch me. I hated every part of my body that he touched.

I became socially withdrawn. Stopped talking to friends. Stopped going out. Took a break from my job. My phone calls to my mother came down to 2 minutes from the half hour talks. I lost significant amount of weight. And all this time, I was dealing with this alone.

He simply stopped talking about the topic. It didn't even take a day for him to get over me. Instead he thought I was behaving like this because I lost a "good catch" like him.

I lost myself and finally I got the courage to get help for myself. I was diagnosed with severe depression.

It took me all my energy just to motivate myself, even for mundane tasks like brushing my teeth. I used to spend all day in my bed staring at the walls and thinking about the past. And I realised there was no such thing as love. He said everything he saidjust to get access to my body. Then I started hating myself even more. 

My psychiatrist has been working on me since the past 5 months. Medicines, counselling, psychotherapy has helped me a lot. But I don't know think if I am ever getting back to my old bubbly self ever. I cannot trust any guy when he says anything nice to me. I don't think I'll ever gather enough courage to fall in love again. I just hope I somehow get through this without killing myself. 

I am not able to get back my will to live. I wish I had trusted society rules and never accepted a proposal from a guy from another religion. I wish I would have never met him. I wish I could tell him... "You are an awesome son. You are an awesome brother. But you failed as a lover. You made me question everything about myself and love. You are the reason I will never trust again. You are the reason I don't believe in love. And saying yes to you was the biggest mistake of my life."

Finishing half a cup of tea and then saying this is not "my cup of tea".. You are not a gentleman sir.

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