I’ve been married for a year now and the day he told me “Marriage isn’t for you”, I realised. Marriage really isn’t for me.

This may sound weird and to many of you, this one sentence may have told you I’m characterless. Well that’s the mentality we’re dealing with everyday isn’t it? But no that’s not what I meant.

He who told me marriage isn’t for me, he’s my husband. We were high school best friends and before we knew it, we had been dating for seven years. It’s only fair to think after such a long relationship that you’re meant to be with each other and we were compatible too. The next obvious step was to marry each other to have the most wonderful happy-ever-after memories. But even then, I couldn’t help but feel anxious about this whole arrangement of getting married and seeing this years old boyfriend of mine each day, every day of my life.

The closer the wedding date came, the farther I wanted to run away from it. What was I thinking? What were my fears? They are petty and I hate myself too for it. I had the ugliest of questions in my mind — will I love him as much if I have to see him every second of the time I’m at home? What if I become irritable? There’s nothing to explore anymore, what if we get bored? Will he still wear my favourite set of boxers to keep me interested? Do I want to marry? Is he the right person to marry? Are we just getting married by default? Will he still make me happy?

I was losing it basically. I’m an independent woman with a job that I love and more than that, I loved my space when I was single. And he gave me that always. So much so that I felt insecure sometimes. But the kind of commitment in marriage is always different, I was told and that was freaking me out. I spent many sleepless nights in fact thinking about this. But then came the fateful night when I picked up the phone and called him, my (then) future husband and the guy I had known for as long as I could remember. I shared my thoughts with him thinking he would probably be going through the exact same thing. But what he said to me next made me feel so stupid, I was embarrassed.

It was one of those life changing moments for me, when everything stands still for a second and you realise — this moment happened for a reason and I’ll never be able to forget it.

My man (and I’m proud to say that today), after calmly listening to the outpour of my emotions, he replied with a knowing voice. He said, “I’ve spent seven years with you baby, I took this decision because I knew I could make my life all about you. My dad once told me that ‘son, always remember — marriage isn’t for you, it is for the girl you’d like to call your wife’. So the day I asked you for your hand in marriage, I knew what we were getting into and I don’t have an iota of doubt over there. We were a couple when we were dating; in marriage, you have to think about who you want to fix the building blocks to make a family with. I knew it’s you, don’t know about you. I can see you being the best mom to my children after seeing how amazing you are with kids. I know that but I don’t know about you. I know my family is dying to make you a part of us. I don’t know about you. To me, marriage is about you. But again, I don’t know about you. Give it a thought baby, the day you’re ready to make marriage about the person you want to marry, I think you’ll have all the answers. Just know, I’m here for you in every way possible.”

That moment changed everything for me. I could suddenly see a husband in him. The man I’d like to walk hand in hand with wherever I go. The man who already came across as a responsible father to my kids. The fact that he remembered what his dad told him once said a lot about him. He was a family oriented guy and that made things look even better and brighter. A family oriented guy never cheats, I had heard. He has kept that promise till date by the way.

It still gives me the jitters thinking what if I hadn’t made that call. I could’ve backed out because I was being selfish. He showed me the other side, his advice decoded the true meaning of marriage for me. It isn’t about you, he said. You as a selfish individual say, “What’s in it for me?” Marriage kinda love says, “What is it that I can give?”

After that phone call, I wanted to give him me. I wanted to make him happy and think about how I could make him a part of my family, just like he made me a part of his. I wanted to make babies with him just to fall in love with him over and over again because I knew how amazing he would be with them. I could imagine him shielding my kids from all the troubles in the world, I could see him treating me like a baby just to protect me from all the stress in life. I could see all of that.

I could see myself waking up to his face and loving it. Because for me, marriage was finally about him and not about my fears.

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