It took me cheating on him, lying to him, treating him like s*** to realise how much I love him.

Yes, sometimes we realize the value of people only after we have lost them. In self-indulgence, we forget how much we could have hurt someone, knowingly or unknowingly. We all talk about our Prince Charming or our soulmate. But when do we know that they have come along? Is it worth it to find out after you have lost them completely?

I met the love of my life for the first time when I was in school and it took me 8 years, tons of mistakes, and in the end losing him to realise how much he means to me. For him, it was love at first sight and he decided to wait till I was done with dating the wrong guys. Through all the years I always knew I had him, a friend, a confidant, and a lover who would always be there without judging me. After all, in the end, we did have our happily ever after, until I thought "this was too good to be true" and messed it up with my bare hands.

I ended up cheating on him because I knew he would trust and when I was done, I could just go and apologize. He kept forgiving me and I kept on misusing his kindness. 

As if that was not enough, I tore his soul apart. I started lying to him about the smallest things possible. I pushed him into depression because even after knowing the truth, he would choose to believe in my words over all the others. After continuing my game for two years, he finally gave up. I had crushed his soul and his life, and it was only fair for him to leave me and go.

Now that he is gone, I know how much I miss him and how much I love him. I wish there was something in this world I could do to make it up for all my mistakes, but probably he is just better off without me. Probably he will be happier without me. All I can hope and wish for is that he gets what he deserves, and not someone who is going to play with his feelings like I did.

I know 'sorry' is not enough for what I have done to him. But if somewhere he is still reading this, I want to say "I am sorry and I do love you a lot."

All I learnt from this is never make it too late to express your feelings. Never let the person you love feel like an option in your life. Never use someone's feelings for you as an advantage. Respect them and love them for what they can do for you. Otherwise, it is just going to take you the hard way to learn your lesson.

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