It was my first day in college, in a big city, far away from my hometown. Having studied at an all-girls school till my 12th standard, I was very apprehensive of what kind of an ambiance my new college would have in store for me. My college was a well-established and famous co-ed one, located in the national capital city. I walked into my new classroom, only to find all my seniors already waiting to welcome me, for ragging.
With my knees shaking and heart beating fast, I took my seat and tried to make myself invisible.
As if that was possible! The introduction round was going on, and when my turn came, I managed to stammer out my name from the back. As soon as they heard where I was from, all the seniors pointed out to one person amongst them who was from the same place. He turned out to be quite a popular and very understanding guy. He could make out my fear and nervousness. So, he quietly came over to my side and told me in our mother tongue that he will try to help me out. And he did.
I thanked him for his help but maintained a distance. At this point, I had a boyfriend back in my hometown.
Although ours was a long-distance relationship, it worked out well. As the first year of college passed, I started feeling at home in this new city and college. During that whole first year, I had no other contact with my seniors besides a hi or hello. It was during my second year, that things changed quite a lot. I had shifted to a new apartment with a couple of my classmates. One of them was friendly with our seniors and one particular senior started visiting our place and as I got to know him better, I began to recognize what a great human being he was.
Gradually, he and I became best friends. I could be myself with him and talk to him about anything.
He knew about my boyfriend and as I was having problems at home because of my relationship, he would be there for me as my advisor, my punching bag, and, my agony aunt. As days passed, our friendship became deeper. I never realized how dependent I had become on him, until the third year of college started and he was gone.
College seemed empty without him. I was missing him a lot and I didn’t even realize it myself sometimes. I started to hate going to college.
That same year, my boyfriend also moved to my city to start a new course. His presence did cheer me up. I stated avoiding college to spend more time with him. College without my best friend seemed like hell. Some of my other seniors who were doing their PG from the nearby university campus, would often come to college and when I would see them, I would miss him more.
During the same time, all three of us roommates started having problems with each other and we decided to stay separately. This tension was also causing me a lot of headaches. Then one day after my class, I was walking towards the college gate, when I looked up to see him waiting with all his friends and smiling at me. I ran to him and he just hugged me. The next moment I knew, he was swinging me around and kissed me on my forehead. It felt so natural that I didn't think otherwise.
Seeing him after so many months made me so happy. Soon I was telling him about everything that had happened in his absence and in his usual way, he made me feel safe and secure.
We stayed in touch by email as mobiles were not common and too expensive for students to afford, back then. But my boyfriend started getting jealous of our camaraderie, and forbade me to be in touch with him. As I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend, I started maintaining a distance from my best friend. I completed my studies, got a job and soon got occupied with office work. Meanwhile, my boyfriend changed his job and was posted in the country's financial capital. As it was supposed to be a short term posting, we decided that I would stay back and continue my job and he would come back after his posting was over. It was during this period that my best friend came over to meet me. I asked him to stay at my place and he agreed.
After dinner, he said that he wanted to freshen up and I showed him to the bathroom. Then he said something that I will never forget, “will you join me?” I was totally shocked and seeing my expression, he said he was joking.
I thought that he must have actually been kidding, and I didn't give it a second thought after that. We talked for a long time that night and finally crashed. I had office the next day. In the morning, he got ready to leave. He hugged me, looked at me for a while, said goodbye and left. And that was the day when I saw him last. Busy with my job and personal life, I lost touch with him.
I married my boyfriend and have a lovely family today. But when I sit to look back and ponder upon my memories, I realize that my best friend was my soulmate.
With him I could be myself. I know now that he loved me but never told me because he knew that I was committed to someone else. But sometimes, actions speak louder than words.
I miss you and I will always miss you. I hope to bump into you someday, somewhere. You will always have a special place in my heart, a place that no one can take, an irreplaceable spot that only you occupy.