‘Rejection doesn’t mean that we are not good enough. It means the other person failed to notice what we had to offer.’ I love this quote by Mark Amend.
Yes, I know. Rejection hurts. Rejection feels terrible.
We may experience rejection from family, friends, someone we love or from the organization in which we work. Maybe someone will reject us on the basis of our looks, nature, caste or community, financial status, educational background etc.
Whenever we experience rejection, it hits us right in our heart. But rejection also has a way of teaching us several things. I learned to look at rejection differently only in the past couple of years. In fact, many of my greatest blessings have come from rejection.
Yes, they may have been many painful experiences but then again, I have always believed that I was a person who learned more through pain than through pleasure.
When I started my career, I did not get the job that I wanted. I was rejected several times. I felt I was unworthy because I was always rejected. I started feeling lonely and wanted to be left alone most of the time. But the rejection continued. When I changed my point of view, my perspective became clearer to me. I began to see rejection in a positive way. I was able to realize that maybe I was not on the right path.
For every job that was denied to me, newer and better opportunities opened up for me.
There were times when I experienced many rejections in my relationships too.
But for every relationship that hurt me, I moved closer towards finding my true love (and now husband to be).
For every mistake that I made, I learned to look within. I slowly began to look at situations differently. I was able to learn, grow and make the changes only because I was rejected. I forgave myself for not knowing things. I began searching for blessings in disguise. I found myself thanking all the people who rejected me.
They have made me the person that I am today. I am now a woman of integrity, grace and strength. All this did not happen overnight.
I know, all this sounds like it is easier said than done. But there are ways to deal with all this.
Be compassionate with yourself:
Research shows that negative self-talk is destructive. Constant negative talk can make you more depressed and anxious. If I believe I deserve bad things, I will start attracting people or things that validate that belief.
What we feel inside manifests itself outside. We just need to work on our thoughts with kindness and compassion.
View rejection as an opportunity:
If we never experience rejection, we will never take chances and therefore never make changes. When we get rejected, we can at least be comfortable knowing that we are taking risks.
These risks help us understand who we are and where we are going.
Don’t let rejection define you:
Many times, when we face rejection, we tend to personalize it. Rejection isn’t always personal.
It is important to separate what happened to us from who we are.
Often when someone rejects us, it has got nothing to do with our faults. It just means that we were not a good fit for that person, job or opportunity.
Here are some lessons that I learned after getting rejected:
I learned that failure was an event. I was not a failure. I started believing that things will work out at the right time. And if they were still not working out, it meant that I still had to learn something from that experience.
I learned to look inside and identify what I needed to work on. I saw that I was more than capable of handling the loss. I had not known this about myself earlier.
I learned to value and respect people, opportunities and things. I became more humble as a person. I learned to cherish my family and true friends because they were the ones who were with me when I was at my lowest. They were the ones who still love me unconditionally.
I gained the wisdom to define healthy boundaries within a relationship. I may have lost a relationship but I gained a better understanding of myself. More importantly, I learned to value the relationship that I had with myself.
I learned to love the woman in me and in doing so I finally attracted real love. I know my worth now. I had to think through my rejection. Only when I learned to value myself, did others value me. I trained my mind to look for the good in every situation.
I learned that Thoughts= Emotions= Behaviour= Decisions. When we are not present for ourselves, how can we possibly be present for others? I personally believe that I am always blessed. I trust the universe. I trust that things are happening for my highest good. I feel we all yearn for good things in our life.
But to be honest, I am grateful that things did not work out for me in the manner that I hoped they would because I found that in the end things worked out differently and it was always for the better. What more could I ask for?