My Closest Friend Molested Me And I Didn't Tell Anyone Out Of Fear Of Embarrassing Him

Anonymous Anonymous in Dirty Picture on 3 September, 2018

He was my closest friend. For this story, we'll call him Theo. Theo was always nice to me, and we got close really fast.

I had a little bit of a crush on him, but I mostly loved him platonically, and I thought he felt the same way about me.

At some point, we started this routine where we would go and get coffee after school, and then watch Netflix on his phone on the very top floor of the library, which was almost always unoccupied. We had the whole place to ourselves.

We did this for a few weeks and everything was fine. Each time he'd get physically closer to me, but it was nothing too invasive. One day, he asked me if he could touch my breasts.

I was a bit surprised but it wasn't completely shocking, as he was a bit unrestrained.

I obviously told him, no, and he smiled sheepishly and apologized. However, a few minutes later I noticed that his hand was on my chest, and I called him out on it. "Oh my god! I'm sorry, that was an accident. I didn't even notice," was his excuse. I accepted it, and then a few hours later we both went home.

During winter break, I went on a trip with my family, so Theo and I could only keep in touch via text. He told me that he had a girlfriend now, who was also one of my friends. But he continued to flirt with me on text messages. Eventually, I asked him if he liked me as well.

"Yeah, a little, but not enough to cheat on Audrey (his girlfriend)," was his reply.

I left it at that. When I got back from my trip, we still had a few days of vacation left, so we planned that I would go to his house to watch a movie; a thriller movie. Theo did not like anything related to horror, so he made an agreement that we would follow in order to be even, "You need to give me a hand job, or I get to kiss you on the mouth whenever I want, for as long as I want.”

Keep in mind that we were both in eighth grade; neither of us had had our first kiss.

I responded by reminding him that he had a girlfriend, and so after some discussion, he said that I could either give him a hand job or sit on his lap. Obviously, I went with the latter.

Everything seemed fine when I went to his house. I knew that his parents weren’t home. Theo gave me some chocolates, and it seemed like it would be a normal day. Unfortunately, everything went downhill when we started the movie.

Despite the agreement we’d made, I sat next to him on the couch instead of on his lap. My period had started only a few days before, and we were both aware of it.

I knew that it wouldn’t be appropriate to sit on his lap.

He still pouted when I didn’t sit on him, and I tried to tell him that it was better if I didn’t sit on him for that reason. But he picked me up and pulled me onto his lap anyway. A few minutes later he asked me to get up for a second, and when I did, he lay down on his back and told me to straddle his pelvic area.

“Of course not, that’s weird and gross,” I said. “Please, I really want this, and you still owe me for making me watch this movie!” was his justification. We argued about it for a minute, and then I finally gave in. I sat on his waist area instead, because I was still not comfortable with his idea.

He pushed me backwards, and he admitted that it wasn’t comfortable after all and that I should just sit on his lap normally.

He sat up and gestured for me to sit on him again, but I objected.

He grabbed me and sat me onto his lap, wrapped his arms around me, and we continued watching the movie. Then he started moving his arms up and groping my breasts. “What the hell are you doing!?” I yelled. “Shhh, it’s okay. Wow, you feel bigger than you look, you should stop belittling yourself,” he said.

I was too embarrassed to say anything else, and he continued groping my breasts and talking about them.

He moved my hair back and started kissing my neck. I tried to get away but he’d wrapped his legs around mine so I couldn’t move. “I need to see when my dad’s going to pick me up. Let me go check my phone,” I said finally. I managed to get free of his legs, but when I got off the couch he continued to hold onto me and I fell to my knees. I was wearing sweatpants, so he easily got his hands underneath, and was now touching my bare legs. I could feel his hands slowly moving up to my crotch, and I started yelling.

“Theo! Theo, Stop! Please! Stop it!” But he wouldn’t listen. He was beginning to slide my pants off, and I yelled “Theo I’m on my period! Stop it!” And he did. I’d never been so happy to be on my period. Then he hugged me like a normal person, and I went soft.

I did not want to keep doing this, but I was afraid of hurting or possibly embarrassing him.

I texted my dad and told him to pick me up. The movie had barely started. When I came back, he sat me back on his lap and continued kissing my neck and groping my breasts. 

I was disgusted, scared, and embarrassed, but I didn’t know what to do.

So I tensed up and did nothing. He told me that I liked it and that I wanted more. He told me he was very horny, and I was helping him. I kept pleading with him to stop but he refused to listen.

“Shhhh, I know you like it. You’re such a slut. It’s okay, I like it too.” And then he kissed my lips and swivelled his tongue around in my mouth. I tried to get up but he pulled me back and started groping me everywhere.

I kicked and yelled at him but he held me still and continued molesting me.

I was terrified, but I knew it would end eventually. At some point, he started bouncing me on his lap. I was so embarrassed. I yelled at him to quit it already, but then he started moaning. 

And then he reached for the bottom of my shirt and started pulling up. “Theo! What the hell are you doing? Stop that now!” Instead of stopping completely, he just slid his hands under my shirt and continued groping and moaning and kissing. And I was frozen.

After that, our trips to the library were never the same.

He’d kiss and grope me everywhere, every chance he got.

Whenever someone came up to the floor, he’d let go and act like a normal person. But as soon as they left, Theo would be back on top of me, touching me everywhere he could reach. I still loved Theo, but this was not him. I did not know this person.

This was a complete stranger molesting me in a public place.

I could not let him be with Theo’s girlfriend. And so I stayed. I turned myself into a toy for all his sexual pleasures because I was afraid that if I left, Audrey would get hurt. I didn’t tell Audrey anything because I didn’t want to be responsible for their breakup.

I didn’t tell anyone anything because I was too embarrassed and ashamed that I’d let it happen.

What Theo did was not okay, and I was lucky to have known it the whole time. The problem with my scenario was that I didn’t value myself enough, or at all.

After almost a month and a half, I finally told someone. We’ll call him Andy. Andy was a friend Theo and I had in common, and he was (and still is) one of the best people on the planet. He comforted me whenever I broke down, and listened to everything I said about Theo.

I made Andy promise me that he wouldn’t tell Theo anything. I was afraid to make Theo mad. But the harassment didn’t stop, and it was starting to get verbal as well.

He would tell me things like how he wanted to rape me and keep me as a sex slave and beat me with a baton.

I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. Theo asked me to send him pictures of me in a bathing suit. And I did. As far as I know, no one else has seen them. I hope it stays that way.

After a few more weeks of this, Andy finally forced me to end it. It was either that or he said that he'd tell the school guidance counsellor or the police. I love him for it. Audrey eventually found out about Theo, and she disowned him. She didn’t blame me at all, which surprised me but was also relieving.

I was tired of being a toy.

The guidance counsellor did end up finding out but she was probably the least helpful in the entire situation. She called me down to her office, and I repeatedly told her that Theo and I were not in any kind of a relationship. Yet, she ignored me and kept talking about how if anything like that happened again, I should try to end it.

I was obviously aware of that but I just couldn’t.

We’ve just received our schedules for the ninth grade, and Theo is now in my English class. If I can’t handle it, I will definitely not tolerate it this time.

Author's Note:

If something like this happens to you, it is NEVER your fault. Go tell a friend or someone else who can help. It’s easy to assume that you’ll be able to take care of this yourself, but in reality, it’s so much harder to face these things alone. You don't need to do it alone.

Editor's Note:

Young girls are often abused by people they know and trust. They are too scared or ashamed to tell anyone and end up blaming themselves. Hence it's important to share this story and encourage girls to talk about any harassment that they're facing. It's necessary to assure them that there is someone to support and help them. Share this story because someone needs to know that she doesn't deserve to be scared and helpless.