I Wanted To Rub His Fingerprints Off My Body. I Had Become Filthy.

Anonymous Anonymous in Dirty Picture on 17 June, 2018

I was in the final semester of my engineering and we had to do our practical thesis for the entire semester. I wanted to do it in Delhi for several reasons. It was close to my hometown. I liked the city because I had visited it several times during my childhood. I also had several friends and relatives there.

My training centre was in south Delhi. Three other college mates too had joined the same centre to do their thesis. Several other students from different universities too had enrolled themselves there. Within a few days, we realized that we were a huge batch of students. 

One of the guys was really handsome. He was from another college.

He was the only one who came in his own car. He would wear branded clothes, watches and shoes. He seemed to be a rich guy but soon he became quite friendly with our group.

We all started hanging out together and had a great time even after our training sessions got over. We would plan short trips to the outskirts of Delhi, go out for movies, coffee etc. I lived in a PG which was very close to my training centre. The rest of my friends lived far away. So I got to meet this guy more often than the others.

I shared a comfortable relationship with this guy. We shared our experiences in life with each other. We had intense healthy conversations which sometimes led to debates. But we would agree on some things too.  All through this phase I always looked upon him as a friend.

I knew he was handsome and rich and not my type of a person. I was a simple girl from a small city. But yes, he never had an attitude because he was handsome or rich. Maybe that was why we were still hanging in with each other.

One day I was unwell. So I decided to stay back at my PG and skip the training. This guy called me up when he noticed I was not around the training centre. I told him I was unwell. But he called up within an hour again. He said he was coming over to take me to a doctor. He said we would have coffee after that.

I was touched by his gesture and after thinking for a long while I agreed to go with him.

He took me the doctor after which we went out for coffee and Maggi. We stayed out till late in the evening. After a while, I started feeling better.

It was lovely to see someone caring for me like this. I thought I was blessed. I now started thinking of him quite often.

I wondered if I should tell him about it. But I controlled myself because I didn’t know how he would respond to it.

Also, I didn’t want to lose a friend.

A few days later, I was surprised when he told me that he liked a girl and wanted to propose to her. I was heartbroken to hear this statement but I kept my feelings to myself and pretended to be happy for him.

I blamed myself for thinking that we had some kind of a future with each other. But I was happy that he was happy.

After a few days, he told me he wanted me to come with him because he wanted to select a nice dress for the girl he wanted to propose to the next day. He would always tell me that he loved the way I dressed up. I did go shopping with him but with a heavy heart. We checked out many shops and I selected several dresses for her but he didn’t like any of them so he didn’t buy any.

All of a sudden he said that he wanted to have coffee at our favourite coffee shop. He dropped the idea of shopping now. I agreed because anyway I was least interested in shopping for another girl.

We got into his car and were heading towards the coffee shop when he told me that he wanted to tell me something.

He said he liked me and no one else. He then told me that I was the girl he had been talking about all this time. He said he had liked my simplicity from the very first day. He then said he liked my dress sense, my hairstyle, the way I talked etc.

I felt as if my dream was coming true. I was just trying to take in all that he was saying when he started kissing me without my permission.

The very next moment his hands were on my chest. I suddenly realized this and pushed him away. He forced himself on me again and I pushed him away again.

I don’t know what came over me. This was the same guy who had always been on my mind. Yet I having a problem when he kissed me or touched me. All kinds of random thoughts were crossing my mind at that time. I told him to stop the car right there and drop me. But he started driving at a faster speed.

He kept forcing himself on me in some way or the other. I broke down now and literally begged him to stop the car and drop me. Some kind of a devil had entered his mind at that time. He ignored all that I was saying. This continued for almost 10 minutes.

I felt as if I was being kidnapped and tortured in those 10 minutes. I started crying hysterically and begged him to stop. Luckily we had reached a traffic signal now. The road was quite crowded and the light was red. He had to stop the car now. He had no option.

But he was holding on to me as tightly as he could. I managed to loosen my wrist from his tight grip. I opened the door of the car and jumped out.
I ran amidst the traffic and just got into some random auto. He was helpless now.

The traffic started flowing freely when the traffic light turned green and he went out of my sight.

I was terrified of the whole thing.

I returned to my PG but somehow I felt he was following me even now. I just ran to my room and went straight into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and sat beneath it.

I cried my heart out for almost 2 hours. I wanted to rub his fingerprints off my body. I felt disgusted with myself. I felt filthy. A part of me died that day.

I was depressed for a long time. I somehow managed to report the matter to the training centre. He was expelled from the institute but the entire incident continued to haunt me. Even today whenever I remember the incident, I get goosebumps. I still feel disconnected from the real world at times. I was not raped. He had just touched me and kissed me without my permission. 

Yet I felt dirty.

I wonder how rape survivors live after facing this kind of trauma. I was able to feel their pain that day. I just pray that the Almighty gives them the strength to survive in this world.

Editor's Note:

Sometimes we can sense God coming to us in the strangest of ways. Maybe that’s when we cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Maybe He is the one who gives us the strength to fight back and speak up when things spiral out of control in our lives. Let’s share this smart girl’s story and learn to have our wits around us even when we are in love. Let’s not take any nonsense from anyone at any point in time in our lives.