Yes, I remember everything like it was yesterday... that desperation to see you, feel my heart beat faster at every glimpse, search for you anxiously in a class beaming with students and talk to you endlessly. Oh! I was so in love with you. And though, I had someone in my life, it was at you that my world ended. Words can never explain what I felt for you.
Time and tide wait for none and today things are a lot different than what they were back then. Those feelings have eroded… that passion has faded. I’m clueless of what went wrong but I certainly don’t see it reviving anytime soon.
I had always treated you as a piece of toy, caressing when I felt like and discarding when bored. Yet you stood by me through the good and bad, never questioning my deeds for once. I had sensed you breaking down over the phone umpteen times, I should have held on to you but instead I chose to stay aloof, shouted and avoided the whole chaos.
The pain and anxiety I gifted you each day was visible to the world that advised you to let go off me. But, it was you who shirked off everything, hoping for a better tomorrow, giving me infinite chances to mend things.
I now realise how cowardly and incompetent a person I was who couldn’t take charge of situations. It was me who invited people into my life, went to extremes to make them a part of my living and then happily avoided them once they were in. I don’t justify my deeds as I know I’ve been wrong but honestly, I can’t help as it has been this way always and though I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone, I inevitably end up doing so.
I’d realized it quite early that this relationship was going nowhere and had conveyed to you the same but your belief that someday something would change kept us going, though only by a thread. However, I’m tired of faking the ‘ideal guy’ image and instilling in you the faith that I shall be around.
I know I should have put an end to this quite early to lessen the pain and agony but it was as difficult for me as it was for you. Those moments of silence, realization of the wrongs I had done to you stopped me from breaking the ice and calling it off. I knew you would be shattered and I feared seeing you that way.
Today, you won’t believe me if I said that I did try to revive our bond, bring back the spark and love we had for each other; but in vain. You always blamed me of being callous but never for once did you try to peep into the efforts I made to get US back on track. I don’t wish to prove my chastity but just wanted to convey my side of the story.
As we close ‘OUR’ once beautiful chapter, I accept this mess as a fault of mine and apologise for all the pain I’ve caused you. I’m sorry and wish karma does the same to me as I did to you.