Our Beautiful Relationship Doesn't Have A Name But He Makes Me Happy

Anonymous Anonymous in Life Is Tough on 1 October, 2018

I recently read a beautiful quotation by Lord Alfred Tennyson that said, "I am a part of all that I have met." Sometimes, we meet certain people who leave an everlasting imprint on our mind.

Yet, there's no proper name that we can give to the relationship we share with them.

I met him in the scorching heat of Delhi because my best friend wanted me to become a part of the networking group that she was working with. He was friends with her. He hardly spoke but the one who came with him didn't stop. I had zero interest in their prospective plans through which they were trying to woo me.

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I wanted the meeting to end so that I could go home and do something more meaningful. It finally ended and before we said goodbye, he asked for my number for a follow-up call. I knew that he knew that I would never call for an investment.

Days went by. One day, my best friend came to my place and said that she was going on an outing with her college group and wanted me to go with her. I was in a terrible relationship at that time.

So a chance to go out and distract myself from my same mundane routine interested me.

I went and he was there too. We chatted a little and I made fun of the networking work they were doing. He took everything in a humorous manner without feeling offended.

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After returning back, the entire thing got washed out of my mind. I got busy with college and my regular arguments with my boyfriend.

He lived 250 km away from me, nevertheless, he never missed a chance to make my life miserable!

A few days later, I got a call from the other guy. He asked if I would like to have coffee with him. I was a bit surprised but I agreed. I combed my hair, put on a regular tee and denim and went off. We ended up speaking for an hour or so. I was laughing and enjoying after what seemed like ages.

He helped me remind myself that I was not the dull girl that I was turning myself into.

He dropped me and we promised to meet again. I won't lie; he felt like a breath of fresh air in my life. I finally felt that I was breathing.

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It was wrong for me to feel that way but can one ever control what the heart feels so strongly?

We started exchanging frequent text messages and randomly one evening, he asked me if I’d like to go to a club. Though I am not a club person, I was 18 and a newbie to alcohol and hukka. We chose a place close to my house. He looked dashing that day and I kept staring at him from the corner of my eye.

He was sitting next to me and we were talking casually about the happenings of our lives. Out of nowhere, I pulled him closer and kissed him for almost 5 seconds.

He was dumbstruck but I was too high.

He was too taken aback to respond. We kept silent after that. The bill was paid and he dropped me home. That was the turning point of our lives. Thereafter, not a day went by when we didn’t meet! We were in love, although, I could never speak up nor did he say anything.

He did everything that a guy does for his girl but we never exchanged a single ‘I love you’ in those two years.
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There was no doubt that we were crazy about each other. We went on long drives every day, which almost always ended in steamy kisses in the car. We made love for the first time in the car! It was raining heavily and we were drunk.

We had waited for this moment and neither of us knew it would come like this! It is till date the craziest thing that I have ever done in my life. A lot of issues crept up between my boyfriend and me because I hardly talked or looked forward to meeting him now.

I was happy and I wanted to remain happy but I could not come up with the strength to tell my boyfriend that I was in love with someone else.

There were a number of reasons that held me back. The guy I met and kissed daily never brought up relationship talks. I was hurt because he never asked me where we were headed nor could I ever gather the courage to ask him the same.

I felt he wanted to continue it this way itself, without any responsibilities of being in a regular relationship. Whoever is reading this knows the fact that such a feeling is devastating!

To be madly in love with someone and not be able to call them your own in front of the world!
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I kept my feelings within me and went with the flow. Nothing changed. I still lived in the world of delusion where I laughed with him all day and as soon as I returned home, gloomy thoughts occupied my mind.

I was well aware that one day, this would stop and I was definitely not prepared for it!

Then I met someone very close to him who made me realize the dire consequences of this relationship. I came back and cried, however, I never told him about it. Not to this date! The damage was done! The crack had begun showing and I panicked!

I couldn’t bear the excruciating pain of not having him around me. I felt I was not bold enough to bear it, so I severed all ties with him. I changed my house, changed my number and vanished into thin air! He looked for me but how could I be found when I had promised myself to never see him again?

Our love was very pure, young and something that was peaceful despite all the odds we were sailing against. I never found that spark again in my life. What I once had with him, I could never feel with anyone.

I guess they rightly say that not everyone you meet can stir the magic inside you!

My magic wand was gone and I had to continue living my life without any whims and fancies. I got married after two years and though he was present in my memories, I never contacted him. 6 years later, I pinged him on Instagram and got a reply within minutes.

I had no idea how to begin a conversation with him yet he knew how to make me feel comfortable even after years.

I walked out of my marriage for it was a horrible one and with no intention of any evil kind, I started talking to him. It helped me. Though it was hard to resist the influx of the many emotions and memories I shared with him back in the day, it helped me.

We met last year and picked off right from where we had left! I am laughing again, waking up happily and getting ready to love this man with all my heart once again.

I have come to terms with the fact that some people are like a circle in your life and you are bound to meet them, no matter how far you drift apart from each other. He is that circle!

The uncertainty is still prevalent and shows its horror because of the abundant insecurities, emotional turmoil, trust issues and moreover, the snatching away of the right to call him mine in front of the world! I won’t lie, I do break down, I do cry at nights and I do get thoughts of running away again.

But he doesn’t let me give up. He knows the brightest of my thoughts and the darkest of my shades! We are sticking with each other as friends, companions, well-wishers or whatever you may think of.

Some relationships might not have a name or might not culminate into something that is right according to the ways of the world.

However, how can one steal the right from such lovers to experience the kind of love that doesn’t die with the number of years it has lived through? It is still fresh and special for the people involved in it! I can never take him out of my heart that he has filled with so much love, which will help me keep going strong for the rest of my life.

So yes!

This is the crazy, stupid love of my life and even though it had an ill-fated end earlier and will surely be destructive in the future, I am happy.

They say, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” There is a song from my favourite movie P.S I Love You that I’d sing to him on our calls at night:

I just want to tell you nothing

You don't want to hear

All I want is for you to say

Why don't you just take me

Where I've never been before

I know you want to hear me

Catch my breath

I love you 'till the end

Editor's Note:

Share this story if you agree that some relationships are special even without a label or tag.