Love open letter Mental health

I Regret Sending You That Message, Please Take Me Back: Losing You Is My Biggest Nightmare

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

The unread message that was deleted! It was those darkest moments wherein I was whining silently, so vulnerable to suicidal ideas and struggling in the worst way possible - to find a single reason to live.

I miss you so much that it's easier to die instead. So I messaged you.

Only you can save me from this bog of depression and anxiety, like last time, like every time. That was the last hope, last chance, and maybe a last try. I may not be able to revive myself again.

10 Years, 120 months, 3650 days, 87600 hours, 52,56,000 minutes, but only one girl. You. Only one feeling - love. And only one dream - to marry you. Only one nightmare - to live without you.

Dreams died brutally, an unbearable abuse till eternal death the day you left. Love never faded away, little did I know that nightmare grown in dark shadows too. Satan never comes in the light, you see. Do you know what was the best part of being in love with you? Losing myself to you. The warmth of being with you was so perfect that my soul could melt without burning. Heart was too busy feeling your love.

The love was so perfect that it made me forget to be me. I was so attached to you that I could not even speak easily every time I saw you. It's like the time when you can't hear when you're near a waterfall. The happiness of seeing you was so intense that I could not hear my mind. Seeing you is the best thing in and of my life. So many butterflies flying at a time, so many colors and so many goosebumps. All dancing around the flame of love for you in my heart. But shadows never leave your back.

With the growing love for you, I could never realize that acceptance was the only thing I kept finding in your love. Your love is perfect, but it took me years to realize that acceptance was missing. Adjusting should never be required if there is acceptance in a relationship.

My bad. The nightmare had grown into a 'Satan'. That was you did love me, but you could never accept me. It took me everything in life to reach this understanding of my eternal failure.

Please respond to my message. Please forgive me for the last time. Please don't leave me. I know I made mistakes, I repeated them. And I am terribly sorry. Please come back. Please understand me one last time.

Please accept me this one time for who I am.

Please give me your hand again. This bog is pulling me and I am not able to resist. I will drown, I will disappear.

Please embrace me one last time, my love.

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