My Grandfather Made Me So Proud But What I Did, Continues To Make Me Guilty
At times there are certain guilts that you could never get over with. No matter how much you try, you could never share the same with anyone.
It has been 3 days that my grandfather expired. He died at the age of 84. I was very close to him when I was a kid. He was the Principal in a Government school.
Once I went with him to his school, and I felt so proud of him. But, as I grew up, I got busy with other stuff in life and became emotionally distant from my grandparents. He was really very upset when I decided to do a love marriage. He did not want to be a part of it, but as my parents pressurised him, he came.
Three and a half months back, we got a news that he had a paralytic attack. He was hospitalised in Kanpur. Then after a month of hospitalisation, my father shifted him to Delhi.
When he was shifted to home, I used to go and see him almost every week. I did not talk to him or sit with him, but just wanted to check how he is doing. It was his 84th Birthday on 25th December. I forgot the same. I remembered that when I saw the social media post of my uncle giving him birthday wishes.
Then again getting busy with my other chores, I neither wished him and nor did I go to see him. I went on 28th December, but his room’s door was closed and he was sleeping. I could not see him.
On 2nd January, I received a call from my brother, that my Dadu is no more. Rather than crying for the loss, I cried more with the guilt of not going to meet him on his birthday and celebrate it with him, even after knowing that it might be his last birthday. I don’t know if I would ever be able to overcome this guilt in my life.