You are an addiction I could never get over. I am aware of the fact that you are bad for me. I know you bring out the negativity in me. You never showed me that you cared for me, and yet I am mad about you still. I know you remember me only if you need something. I was always there for you whenever you asked me to, and most of the time you don’t even have to ask me. You should know something, I am not so dumb that I can not notice what’s going on, but I still chose to ignore things and indulge myself in you. I don’t even expect you to realize what you were to me but still, I do what you want.

I do everything just because you are my own addiction. I chose to do it without compulsions. How can I blame you then?

I know you were and are the reason I am ruining my life by not going forward, but seriously I never wanted to do this. I just never ever wanted to move forward without you. I always wish the best for you. Maybe I never considered myself to be the best for you. It really hurts deeply that you were not even acknowledging my presence.

This one time that I was in deep trouble, and how stupid was I to call you? To my surprise you had blocked me? Really now?!

That should have been the nail in the coffin for me. But no! Just a week later, when you needed something and texted me I was right on there on my toes, getting your things done. Somethings never change, and I think I am a lost cause. Now you gave me the distance I needed to get over you, but how many more days or months till we are back to square one? When you need something, I know you will again come back to me and ask me for favours.

The funny thing is that even God does something inevitable and brings you back.

People often judge someone who moves forward quickly. I say it’s a boon. There’s nothing wrong with moving forward. People comment like that because they are unable to do the same. Actually, they are jealous when they see others moving forward. How I wish I could be like that. You must know that this pain is getting intense day by day, just like a disease spreading to every organ of one’s body.

It is making me weak physically and emotionally as well. I was known for my sensibilities and sense of humor. I wonder where has my sensibility gone to?

And don’t even ask me about my sense of humour. These days I can’t even bring myself to enjoy a good comedy. It saddens me to see who I have become. Now, don’t you dare pass comments like “go on”, “move on”. Don’t you think I don’t want to move on? Of course, I know. It’s not as simple as that. I can sense that there is a void within me. This void has no sentiments. It just hits me hard at all the wrong angles and wrong timings. I need a closure. I need answers. Only you can give me that. Maybe that’s the reason I am clinging to you.

Please let me go. I need my happiness back. I want to smile and laugh heartily. I need my life back.

Share This Story