Confession Love Relationships heartbreak hate

I Wanted Revenge For What You Did But I Still Love You

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Has anyone ever had two extreme feelings for the same person? I am writing this because I do.

I loved you with all my heart even though I knew you were with some other guy. I admired what you had with him. Never did I ever try to interfere in any matter involving the two of you, nor did I ever try to create a rift. I just expressed what and how I felt for you. And then you reciprocated. We had our share of happy and sad days.

But the day you left me for something I didn't even do, it was kind of the last day of my life. I am still alive but not living anymore. Trust me. The kind of days that I have faced will never be out of my mind. Your rude behavior, slangs, blames and fights and what not. You even chose some other guy over me just because you thought that I had betrayed you but that wasn't the case. Not even close.

How could you not trust me?
How could you not give me a single chance to explain?

And then you said that I was playing the victim card.

The thing is that I didn't have to play the victim card. You already had victimized me. And I wanted to hurt you real bad for what you have done to me. And that too not once. Again and again and again.

But then I can never do it because deep down I still feel strongly about you. I'm stuck. At that same place where you had left me. I still see dreams laden with sweet memories of "US".

It's been 5 years, and I still think that there is an "US". I may be sounding naive, but I want this to happen.

Tell me what to do.

I agree that I got into a relationship with many girls after you left, but it isn't what you did. You had already moved on, right? But I hadn't. So I was desperate to move on. And I thought that this might help. But trust me love, with every passing relationship I kept feeling hollower. But you still have to misunderstand this again. I want us to start afresh. Take your time.

I am waiting. And there is no 'Intermediate thing' here. It's either everything or nothing.

Just remember that I am waiting. Don't be broken. Don't be rash. Your act of being strong has no meaning in front of me. 

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