illness growing up Chronic pain

I Learned How To Grow Up With A Chronic Illness On My Own...

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Nothing in life was ever easy for me... when all the kids were playing and running, my joints hurt!

Hi.. My name is Diya. 

When I was in fourth grade, I was diagnosed with Arthritis. I never understood why I couldn't sit on the floor like other kids or write long essays or why my finger used to hurt.

There were too many doctors and hospitals, and no one could help me. After a year, I found a doctor who disclosed an unexpected fact: Arthritis is inherited; if it runs in your family, you will have it; however, it only affects 1% of children, and I was in the not-so-lucky 1%. 

That hasn't changed the way I look at things; I'm a joyful, fun-loving person. The 7-year treatment consisted of injections on alternative days. With love and strength, I flew through it.

For seven years, I was in a relationship with my best friend. Poor decision! He ended our relationship because I did not subscribe to his religious beliefs, and his parents were not pleased. After 7 years of marriage, I lost my love and best friend. It took me three years to get over him. 

I then embraced myself and went on. I learned about self-love. It was enjoyable. I had a great time being single. 

Then came Mr. G, a meek, introverted and extremely silent gentleman. He proposed to me out of the blue.

When I was 28, I knew I wanted to marry the person I was in love with. A man who is practical, straightforward, and loves me as much as I him. 

Mr. G was all of that and more. He knows what he wants in his life, and he was serious when he said he wanted me in his.

Though, he has taken me for granted. I was so desperate for this relationship to work out that I tried all I could to make it happen. I never said no to anything.  It felt like I was accomplishing nothing at one time.

He was relishing the pampering and attention. He loved being in a relationship, which was not the case with me because he wasn't offering me anything.

When I got stuck in a natural calamity, and everyone was anxious about my safety, Mr G remained calm since he knew I'd be safe elsewhere and would phone him when I was okay. He never attempted to contact or check on me amid a natural disaster. 

I chose to end the relationship after this wake-up call. He pleaded for a second opportunity and promised to change and comprehend things. He has since changed dramatically. He's a different man now. But the problem is that he is not the type of person who makes plans, and he dislikes travelling. 

I miss getting special treatment and attention from my best friend. Mr G and I are ready to get married. I feel that my expectations of love are different, and while nothing can be said, certain things must be understood. Everything in this relationship must be said. 

Well, I recently met a guy who is exactly like me. I'm not sure if I should think of a secure relationship where I know I'm loved and will never be deceived, but my wants are not met. Or whether I should go on in life to someone who is like me or at least understands a woman's needs. I'm perplexed since this new guy is coming to Hyderabad next month and has requested me to show him around.

I'm at a loss for what to do. Should I settle with a consistent relationship in which Mr. G is still learning, or should I go on to this new person who is just like me? I'm going to screw something constant for something transitory. I have no idea if it will work out. 

It's not that I don't like Mr. G; I do. He has changed a lot for me, but there is still a long way to go.

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