I am still in love with my ex. I am calling him ex because I don't have any choice left.

It was a long distance relationship that didn't work out, a relationship that started after a few conversations on a trip and one meeting, a relationship that started with conditions.

In January 2013, I was in my early 20's, just graduated from college and planning to do a post-graduation in media and journalism. Then I met him on a trip. He was a family friend but I'd met him for the first time, he lived in the US and had come for a vacation before he was going to join a company in San Diego. We had a long chat while coming back from the trip. We had plenty of time as that was a two day train journey. Then he told me what kind of a girl he would like- someone who worked in IT, and had a good educational background. I don't know what happened to me, he was convincing me to take a technical course. I was a graduate in mathematics, and he was pushing me to do an MCA. I was convinced.

I attempted to get into a college that year but I couldn't. When I tried talking to him, he treated me exactly as a family friend would. He asked me to study well and take admission- no more personal talk. When I attempted the following year, I got into the best MCA program in the country.

Then he started talking to me once again. This time, he allowed himself to admit that he was in love with me. He was afraid of what people may say, but I convinced him that we would manage.

I was in my first semester, and he didn't want any of my friends to know about him. So nobody came to know about my relationship. We spoke to each other regularly even though there was a time difference. Eventually, he said I should make friends and I began making friends.

As it turns out, when you make friends, you have to spend time with them. But when I did, my boyfriend started complaining that I wasn't sparing enough time for him. Slowly, he formed his opinion about each of my friends and began to decide whom I should hang out with and whom I should ignore.

We met for the second time when he came to India in 2015. We met, and for the first time, I stayed with him overnight. I was afraid, but even then, we became intimate. He went home the next day, and I returned to college.

He went back to the U.S. at the end of that month, and then I came to know that I was pregnant. I had no option, I was so scared that I didn't even discussed this with him, and aborted the baby. That was my first mistake.

Physically, I was very weak, and at times he would complain that I was not him giving time. But there were those friends who used to take care of me in that bad situation. I was not able to tolerate his complaints and I disclosed all the secrets to him. He was angry but gave me a second chance not to lie, ever.

Still, because of some reasons, there used to be fights. It would be about how I shouldn't talk to certain people, about how I should tell my parents about him, but he never told his parents about me. A year went by this way. We spoke once in a day or two, and life went on.

Exactly a year later, he came to meet me again. We met and had lunch. But this was not a casual thing. During lunch, he lost his temper about something and called an uncle whom I was close to. Over the phone, he did not disclose that we were in a relationship, but when he handed the phone to me, I revealed it. Then my uncle spoke to us separately and tried to calm him down and convince him to have faith in me. He was angry because my uncle took my side.

He then said that we should take a break and see if we still felt the way we once did for each other. We started talking lesser, and then we stopped talking altogether.

A month passed by and I tried to reach him- I couldn't. I sent him an email but I didn't get a reply. I sent him emails for every festival- silence. I sent him an email for his birthday- no reply. And this year during Holi, a friend told me that he had just got married.

Suddenly, everything changed in my life. I was not able to control myself. I left my job and came back home. Everything I did was for him and now he was married to someone else. How could he tell me that he loved me, meet me, disclose everything to my family, and then leave me?

Now my parents want me to marry someone else, and I am still not able to overcome what I had with him. I am not able to do anything. I want to talk to him once, but he didn't even receive my call. I feel like crying if anyone discusses anything related to him. Even the name of places, each morning call, and the late night silent phone reminds me of him.

Even at my home, people remind me of him, everyone knew about our relationship. I feel like nothing is left in life. I did everything for him and now I'm alone.

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