I am a 25-year-old female and this is my story.

Growing up I underwent a lot of bullying, mostly from guys and it made me question my appeal as a woman. I was always told that I'm ugly and I should not have been born. After I finished school, I built my confidence and started to develop my identity and style. During my school time, I had never dated, had never held a guy's hand and no first kiss.

All of this changed at the age of 23, I had been seeing a guy for a month and we had my first kiss and a week after that, he started seeing another woman. Honestly? I was relieved because I did not really like him that much and was too shy to tell him that. Afterward, there was a void in my life and I felt a little lonely but I did not miss him.

I then started talking to this other man, John, who I had been acquainted with for years but we never really spoke. He had broken up with his fiance and we started chatting more and more and before I knew it, I was falling for him. Hard.

A month became two and I went on a vacation with my parents and when I came back from the holidays, he told me that he couldn't be with me and would prefer if we could only stay as friends. I know now that I did not fully understand the complexity of his situation and the more he withdrew, the more I started becoming anxious until I had a nervous breakdown one day. And from that point on, we would go through cycles of getting together and then taking a break and so forth.

Eventually, I ended everything and we did not speak to each other for a month. I wanted him to commit, he kept saying he wasn't ready, so when he got in touch with me a month later, I thought that maybe this is finally it. But it wasn't, the cycle kept spiraling for 6 more months until I went to a mutual friend's house for a visit. That day I discovered that John had gotten back with his ex. They had been seeing each other while he was seeing me, I confronted him about it and needless to say, he told me that they had gotten back recently and he did not know how to tell me. That was the truth or so I thought.

I later found out that he had cheated on me for a year and that he had gotten engaged in that time as well. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. My world had come crashing down, I had fallen in love with him after all. 

I later realized the one thing they never show you in the movies. Even after they hurt you and betray your trust and leave you for someone else - your love for them doesn't just go away.

I had to go from seeing someone and being in love with him to cutting them off completely from my life no matter how much I missed him. Thing is, I still love him, I still want to be with him. The thing that hurt the most was not the betrayal, but the fact that he left and I could never be with him. That hurt the most.

For me he will always be the man that I fell for at the age of 23, lying on a couch, tracing the features of his face and thinking this man looks like an angel. I love you with all my heart R.

Sincerely,

The other woman.

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