To My Mother-In-Law: My Parents Taught Me Well, I Don't Need Life Lessons From You

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 16 June, 2017

Dear Mother-in-law,

I always liked the idea of a joint family and I was happy that I was getting married into one such big family. But mother-in-law, you changed my opinion completely.

When I was engaged to your son and only six months were left for the wedding day, I expected you to call me and inquire about me, know my emotions and learn more about me. But there was not a single phone call from you. Even when I called you, you spoke in haste, portrayed yourself to be very busy with work and never spoke to me with warmth.

Now I am married for two years, mother to a kid myself but you have not made a single call to me till date. Since you are my husband's mother, I call you whenever possible, even when I visit my mom’s place but you never responded to me properly.

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When I came to my new home, you gave me instructions saying that only you would decide what to be cooked, because you knew what would be healthy for all.

I kept wondering, did I come to stay in your home as a daughter-in-law or did I come to a hostel?

You and your daughter shared secrets the whole day and stopped conversing when I was around. I ask you, why did you get your son married when you can't discuss anything in front of me? 

At the table when I had breakfast and if my brother-in-law happened to come and eat at the same time, you made sure that he didn't sit next to me or opposite but took corner seat on the table. When I watched TV, he was allowed to sit in the hall only if you or your daughters were there, otherwise, you sent him to another room. Isn't he my brother as well?

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Why do you meddle in my room in the name of cleaning the tables, but in my absence? Did you ever check if your room and kitchen were clean enough before entering my room to do all the cleanliness?

Mother-in-law, your room is not clean enough, then what makes you come and find a flaw in mine? I know how to keep my room well organized, don’t need your intervention.

Why did you never take me out to the market or shops except to unfamiliar weddings where I was an uninvited guest? You always made me sit at home while you went out strolling, with your daughter.

Like every girl, I too love to make a choice about my accessories or the kind of dress I wish to wear, whether I should take my dupatta or not.

I don't need your advice, my mom has taught me how to dress decently.
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When I first came home with your grandson, in my innocence or say ignorance, I made a mistake. I asked you if you wanted to bathe him, but you immediately started giving me classes on how to bathe my baby. I asked you because I thought you would love to bathe your grandson, but instead, whoever came visiting our home, you kept telling them that you taught me how to bathe my baby. Do you think my mom didn’t teach me to take care of my child?

It's been 2 long years and you don't consider me as a family member yet. Then how could you expect me to stay with you in your home? You never gave me a single chance to make me feel homely, to consider your home as mine as well.

My parents allowed me to be independent and be free in my home, but after marriage, I was burdened with a list of rules. Dear mother-in-law, do you have the right to rule me?

Why should I take your permission to go to my mom's home? The home where I lived for 24 years, where I spent my childhood, the home where I grew up. Besides being your daughter-in-law, I’m a daughter as well. Then who are you to decide if I am allowed to visit my parents' home and when?

I simply wanted to be independent at home, where I can live free-willed among lovely family members and live happily with my husband and our child and no rules to worry about.

I told your son everything that I have written here, but your son is scared of asking raising any questions in front of you. In my life, I have never seen anyone so scared of his or her mother.

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You self-praise about providing good discipline to your son, but the reality is that you have molded him in such a way that he can’t even discuss anything with you when you do or say anything wrong.

Thank you so much, mother-in-law, I have learned how to raise my child by seeing your son. I would love it if you stop giving me parenting advice in the future.

Signing off.

Your Daughter-in-law,
The mother of your grandchild,
Your son’s wife and the love of his life.

Editor's Note:

Share this story to spread the thought, that daughter-in-law(s) wants acceptance and compassion from their mothers-in-law.