The only thing I regret today is being gay. A homosexual in this Indian society. I chose to discover peace in this life. I wanted to endure it and rejoice.
I labelled myself as victorious when I fell in love with someone. A person whom I can call “My Prince Charming”.
So, he hailed from Indore and I was living in Nagpur. We bumped into each other on a famous gay dating website. He was just perfect. A lean, white guy with messy hair. A pair of pink links and fragile. Mostly gay dating sites are spam in terms of photo sharing and putting profile pictures. 99 percent of the guys who are homosexual or bisexual will not use their own picture as display picture. They will fool around with somebody else's picture. Even I was in a dilemma whether to trust him or not.
However, without wasting much time I directly messaged him. I myself am not very good looking. I wasn’t expecting any response. Abruptly, after a few hours I checked the app again for his reply.
None can match the layer of happiness you perceive when something you wish for gets fulfilled. There was his text. A mere “Hello”.
This 'hello' was more than enough for me. We started with introducing ourselves and making small talk. The secret behind his pictures was revealed. The pictures belonged to him and he was the same person. I at once fell in love with him just when I saw his profile and his picture. I was filled with positivity.
We started chatting. We exchanged numbers and I still remember September was the month. My exams were scheduled ahead. Despite knowing that I had to study, I chose to sing to him every night. I was so into him that no magnet in the universe could have drifted us apart. After a month we confessed that we were settling for each other.
Please note, we had not met just yet. We simply had lots and lots of pictures of each other and phone numbers. One fine night, he texted me something long and beautiful.
Long story short, He said he loved me. I was dumbstruck and happy as hell. It was exactly what I wanted. I wanted him as my prized possession. Everything was sounding good until the series of lies started.
Let me tell you this. 99 percent of gay relationships are merely for sexual needs. We never had any intimate moments but the major thing between us was emotions.
Emotions can cause you lust for love. Do try and differentiate between sex and emotion sometime.
We were happy. The trend of relationship was about to be embarked upon. The trust issues, loyalty and lies were some common obstacles I had to deal with. He would say he is going to sleep and after sometime, he'd accept his lies out of guilt. Lies like spending his time with other guys and sleeping with them.
After a bunch of hullabaloo, he finally confessed and left me broken. I am not writing this to show any shame or to disrespect him, but to make people like me stronger, make your choices wisely.