I got dumped.
After years of waiting, I found my first love at the age of 21. He was my classmate. I am the kind of fantasy girl who believes in coincidence and teleconnections. The day I saw him has never faded away. Even now I remember what dress I wore 5 years ago. We became friends and started to share everything.
I had gone to a girls' school all my life and I had no male friends. He was the first guy friend I made. But I always knew that he was not just my friend. This was a connection that was beyond just that. He felt the same way about me but neither of us confessed.
I had really thought that I had found my soulmate.
After college, he went to the city for work. At that time, I cleared the entrance test for my postgraduate admissions. I moved to the same city he was working at, only because of him, and continued my higher education there.
In the new city, our relationship started to get stronger. I waited for him to confess his love but he didn't, so I confessed my love. He said he didn't see me in that way. I thought that it was the end of our relationship. So I disconnected all my contact with him. But after 2 days, he said he missed me, and I also missed him so much, so we continued talking.
I was in a lot of uncertainty at that time. I didn't know if he was going to confess his love or end up breaking my heart and ruining my life. In spite of the uncertainty and the arguments, we only grew closer and closer.
We kissed a couple of times and I could feel the love between us. I found out that he had feelings for me but couldn't proceed further because I am a Dalit girl and he is from a higher caste. In his home, they are strongly against inter-caste marriages.
After a point, he had a guilty feeling of spoiling my life, so he told a lie. He said that he was going to marry a girl of his extended family. I fought with him bitterly. I couldn't stand the fact that he was going away from me. I ended up blocking him on every social media platform and I even moved to a new city. I could no longer be there knowing that he and I couldn't be together.
Later, I found out on Facebook that the girl he was talking about had in fact, married someone else. Since he hadn't told me about his feelings, I could not tell anyone that we loved each other. If I said anything that indicated that he had feelings for me, my friends would look at me pitifully, as if I was deluded.
They saw me as a fool who had failed in a one-sided relationship. So I stopped sharing my feelings with them and dealt with my depression all on my own. It was really difficult to hold myself together.
It has been nearly one year since we stopped speaking but I think of him every second. I cannot, I am not able to get out of it. And the fact I got dumped because of my caste is unbearable. So I decided not get any facilities in the name of my caste. I stopped appearing for government exam as they're caste based. Now my parents also think I'm a fool.