There was a time when we as kids thought our dads/moms didn't care about us or per-say didn't understand what we wanted;
A time when our petty feelings were safely hidden within small, shabbily folded pieces of paper that were handed to us by our moms/siblings for scribbling our hearts out.
What was ironic though then was that once we were through with those papers and had put it away in safe out of reach places (as we thought), somehow it always managed to find its way to the person for whom it was meant. Years later when we got a bit older, all our thoughts, feelings and emotions started seeming vague to us but not to our parents as they knew how to comfort us with their love and care, to assure us how immensely they have always loved us.
It is these little moments and things that savage the connection between us and our parents.
I came across a video recently and I honestly just broke down into tears as I remembered how my bond with my dad was back then when I was a little girl and where we have come to now.
My Baba was too occupied with work to realize that his little girl was slowly growing up, and that pretty soon a day will come in her life when he'll have to let go of her hand to allow her to be with someone who is a resemblance of his shadow.
Pretty soon he will realize just how much he loved his daughter, for whom on her big day he broke down into tears just like his baby girl did. As a little girl, I was never as close to my dad as much as I am now. Back then we both eventually grew apart yet still somehow managed to be with each other through thick-and-thin. As much as he loves me now, I know and believe he did more back then. His love for me is irreplaceable and truth be told, he is my idol. The lessons I've learnt from him have set the foundation of my personality.
He taught me to embrace challenges for myself and to defeat others, to let my work speak for me. He taught me that, even if the outcomes may be odd, never give up without a tough fight; to be the person whom everyone will look up to rather than being their choice simply. He asked me to love myself as it shines right through my eyes and lights up my face.
The positive vibes that people get when I am around is all because of my Baba. He made sure that I am never negative about anything. Even during times of rough patches, I am extremely positive as I know when my Baba is around, I can never loose.
To this day, my Baba has been my knight in shining armor and will continue to be so even if my husband opposes to it.
Baba is a powerhouse of motivation in my life. His vision, beliefs, ideologies, thoughts, perceptions and characterizations, are all immensely relatable to me and it is for this reason that I am a highly idealistic person. All thanks to my Baba! If I were to write a letter to my Baba then these words mentioned above wouldn't even come close to being enough to reciprocate all that he has given me and will continue to give me. I will always be at a loss of words to describe just how beautiful our relationship is and how strong it is growing to be.
Every blissful moments that we have ever shared is fresh in my memory, as though I am still living those moments when I close my eyes to recall them.
One such instance I recall, back in 2014 when my parents and my late maternal parents (they expired last year) traveled to Singapore for my grandfather’s cancer treatment. On the last day of our trip I had to stay back with everyone for the chemo therapy, and Baba had to leave me. Even though it was my choice to stay, when I went to see off Baba at the Changi International Airport (I still remember the date too), tears dropped from my Baba's eyes. Seeing him like that, I broke into tears as well but only for a moment. I controlled myself as I knew that my tears will hurt my Baba more. This is just a fleeting moment that I felt like sharing with all of you to make you understand what kind of a bond I share with my Baba.
To be honest, not a day goes by when I'm not reminded of the impending day when I'll be walking down the aisle and Baba will be holding my hand only to let go of it and give me away to my husband.
I know for a fact Baba will be hesitant at first but then he knows that my love for him will always be my priority, and with that assurance, he will let go off my hand.
Time cannot sufficiently translate our camaraderie, neither can such a thing be bought, even with all the money in the world.
If you ever read this, like every Bengali Baba, you will feel a bit uneasy with the fact that I shared my thoughts on social media whereas I could easily do so with you personally. But, to be honest, the feelings and emotions I poured while typing them here is not at par to any verbal conversation, as for me this was the best way I could be open and wild with my emotions. Baba, I got to know from the bond you share with Ammu and me what love is.
Everyday I'm living the Cinderella dream. Everyone tells me that I am lucky to be the sole child of your family but I tend to disagree with it, as I believe being the only child means that I must become a person who knows how to deal with and tackle with her responsibilities well. I am all by myself to deal with them and I should become worthy of being my Baba's companion.
To this day, sometimes I feel very alone and miserable, I worry that I may never be worthy of your praises or what will happen if I fail to live up to your expectations. Baba, you are the strongest personality of our house. Our home isn't home without you. My dreams, wishes and cherishable moments have all been made possible by you. I am no one without you. I can be no one without you.
Baba, I request you to always motivate me by your presence and guide me whenever, wherever you feel I am going wrong.
Your blessings are very important to me, perhaps more important than my life. I love you Baba, I love you immensely.