Family ego indian woman Indian festival

I'm Not Sorry For Being Tired Of Solving All Your Problems Since I Was A Child

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Holi is my favourite festival, and it’s something that I enjoy celebrating every single year!

The colours, the cheerful singing, the dancing, the music and everything else related to this beautiful festival. You forget all the grudges of the world and celebrate life, friendship, and freedom.

For me, it’s always been like this. Whenever there is a celebration, I can celebrate with just about anyone! Because there are rare occasions in life for one to be happy in this ugly world, so we must look past our stressful jobs, failing relationships and other pressures of the world and focus only on the wonderful celebrations that come our way!

But for the first time in my life, today, I am not happy. I cancelled my plans to stay at home.

Not because I have a lot of work or that I’m needed at home, but because I’m just not in the mood to go out and meet happy people. I am depressed today. Being a part of such a small family, not a single person has tried to wish me Happy Holi, not even for the sake of it. It could be a small thing for people, but for me, it’s a lot.

I know there are expectations that we have from our friends, family members, and relatives, and I’ve tried to fulfill these for the people I love, always. But today, when I need them, no one seems to even have realized this. I’ve tried to blame myself for this, to try and keep the peace and harmony between the family members. Since the age of 15, I have witnessed and been there for my family members who have not been well.

I am not happy today because whenever there are situations where I’ve been needed in the past. I’ve always tried to fulfil my responsibilities no matter what, but what about the days when I need a shoulder? Where do I go and find my people? Why is it that since the very tender age it has been my responsibility just to understand; but who is around for my needs, my expectations or my emotions?

There are different people from different world’s who have labelled me “emotionless”. A pin I carry with pride.

I am not a person who complains, but now it’s time. I have sacrificed so much for these people who haven’t even bothered to pick up the phone and call me and talk about my whereabouts. Is it really worth shattering yourself and stoop down low for people who just haven’t bothered to drop their own egos to care about others?

I don’t know if I’m right to complain today, but I know that if I don’t write it down, then no one else will bother to take care of my feelings. I keep wondering, why it’s taken me so long to do this, but I’m glad… it’s high time that I only bother about those people who bother to put effort into me.

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