I'm A Stay-At-Home Mom Trying To Create My Own Identity Now: I Have No Regrets

Ekta Shah Ekta Shah in Your Story on 16 February, 2017

I have seen many mocking a working mother. For them, a mother’s primary responsibility is to take care of their children and family.

And if she joins back her office post delivery then she is the career-oriented, selfish mom.

I am a stay-at-home mom and I am not advocating any particular set of women. As a woman and mother, I know every woman, directly and indirectly, contributes to social emancipation. She is the one who nurtures her family and ultimately the society.

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Everyone is different and so are their views. Surely, we cannot ask anyone to change their views just because we are not convinced but it’s equally important to clear some pre-conceived notions that have settled in their minds on a much larger scale.

There was a time when I had worked in a big corporate before I planned to quit my career for my younger ones. But that was typically our choice as parents and certainly, you have more challenges when you stay in a nuclear family and far off from your parents.

It happened many a times when I wanted to go back to work and aspired to achieve my goals with the same passion that I had earlier. I love to work or getting engaged in any kind of work that gives me mental peace. The only thing I regretted was if only I had planned my post delivery blues in a different manner then, I would be at a much senior position now and I could vouch for my skills and hard work.

On the contrary, I don’t have any guilt either for the eight years of my life that I spent in bringing up my family. I enjoyed that period and they are memories that'll stay with me for a lifetime. 
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But when I realized that my children were a little grown up and they could manage in a day care for a few hours, I started floating my resume to get back to work. Honestly, it’s not easy to get a job after a long gap. Surely I am not a person who is up to date with the new technology and what’s going around or I never bothered about the new trend in the corporate circle. I always understood the need to connect with the outside world and I did so in all possible ways.

I was ready to justify my long career gap and compromises to join as a low level executive. The reason why suddenly the lust for work sparked is because I was missing going to work. Yes, the place where I can use my mental capacity. Also, to make my own identity.

Often I get angry with people when they target working women or stay-at-home mothers. Former for being a selfish person and latter for not contributing towards the society. How can someone judge that working mothers leave their children only to earn money? They should understand that money is not everything. There are few more things that need to be considered.

One — the sense of satisfaction of using their skills towards the betterment of society. Second — dealing with their identity crises, which is a must for every woman. And there could be many more commitments that many people aren't aware of.

Additionally, for stay-at-home moms it's all about their personal choice. It in no way means that even if they are skilled, they are wasting their degrees in cleaning the poop. One educated mother only can bring up educated families and it’s indeed a social contribution. Yes, it happens sometimes when you too feel like a victim to identity crisis and when you sense that you are just someone’s wife, someone’s mother or someone’s daughter-in-law and so on. But one can come out of that feeling too.

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Getting your identity back is nowhere related to earning money and there is absolutely no relationship between money and working and striving hard to get it. Even if you work for a few hours for an NGO or enhancing your skills as a singer, writer, a dancer, you are grooming yourself. You get back your identity as a dancer, writer, social worker, yoga teacher or a myriad of other things.

You really need to see where you can find solace and let your soul grow. There is one famous quote that says, "Practice any art, however well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow" ~ Kurt Vonnegut.

Yes, you need to grow and it's completely your choice where you want to. It’s a different aspect if you have planned your life completely around your family. In that case, one should happily accept their fate and never get into a guilt trap. But if you have few dreams for your life then go ahead, achieve them.

There is no stopping for anyone in this world. And it's never too late to learn and to start. The only thing I know is to keep dreaming big and to keep working hard to turn them into reality. 
Editor's Note:

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