I lost myself in the process of making you happy. I was a laid back, carefree and a merry person; that is until I met you. For me, everything else mattered, except guys. My parents were my best friends and my only confidantes. My weekends comprised of a lot of sleep and relentless shopping. Not that I don’t shop now. But the point I’m trying to make here is that I was happy.
Probably not the happiest but definitely a content girl; not one who cries the way I do now. I was emotional but not petty.
I respected myself back then but unfortunately, I can’t meet my own eyes now. Do you know why?
Because I believe that will make you sympathize with me; even pity me. I’m reduced to nothing but a mere submissive, or should I just call myself a slave?
Still, I don’t mind. Because I’m hoping you’ll pity me.
I knew it from the beginning, that you were always deprived of love that you deserved. And that is definitely not the reason why I decided to love you. I loved you for the person you were. You’ve been caring and loving, since the first day I met you.
You’ve always expressed gratitude whenever you could. You didn’t let go of a single opportunity. You always thought about the people around you before yourself. You accepted my friends just like you loved your own. You never gave me a reason to not fall in love with you, every single day. I still do.
But I’m unable to cope up with your mood swings… your frequent mood swings.
I never expressed this in front of you, but it has been killing me, day after day. I have disrespected my parents, the ones who have always stood by me. I have made my friends upset who have invested their precious time trying to counsel me. For what? Why! You?
I’m not sure if you deserve all of this love and care from me, but I’m willing to wait. For how long? I’m clueless.
Probably till I reach my threshold. I haven’t forgotten the promises that I made to you. You were apprehensive that I might ditch you somewhere in the future, but I’m trying to stay true and strong to my words. I’ve had my parents and friends telling me that I deserve better, but I don’t take them seriously. For me, our initial moments matter more than a lifetime of love and support that I got from my friends and family.
You’ve given me some of the best moments in my life and I’ll always be grateful to you. It’s a pity that I’m unable to keep you happy. You deserve the best. I wish you the best and till you find it, I’ll stand right by you.