Ours was the quintessential love marriage with all elements of drama thrown in. I am a lawyer, brought up by a middle-class Bengali family. He is a lawyer too, a divorcee and 13 years older to me. Fate brought us together, and we gave ourselves 2 years to decide if we would like to settle with each other.
After all accompanying family drama, we finally tied the knot. And things changed. There was a distinct distance in his approach towards me. The oh-so-loving and caring guy of yesterday turned into someone emotionally unavailable to me. And this was accompanied by the sudden loss of sexual attraction.
Now, I would like to think of myself as someone sexually attractive, though not very beautiful in the traditional sense of the term. I have had my share of relationships in the past, and even with him in the 2 years of our courtship, there was never a man who could wait to get his hands on me. And here I was, stuck in a marriage with no sexual touch.
Over time, the cuddles and kisses became non-existent.
This has been the status quo for the past 3 years of our marriage. We have seen doctors, but somehow or the other, he pretends to find some fault with them and decides not to take the medicines. He is also frightfully obese and refuses to take any steps regarding that.
He says he has been having ED and PE issues and refuses to let me touch him, nor does he touch me. Today, I sounded out the ultimatum of another 6 months. I am not sure if I am taking the right decision, but with the severely hectic work schedule I have, I crave physical touch and sexual passion at the end of the day, and the lack of it has been taking a toll on my mental health as well as my professional focus.
I wonder what could make a man lose all interest in a sexual relationship and that too so suddenly. He is 43 presently, and as far as I read up over the internet, it is pretty early for such issues to crop up. In any event, what irks me is his lack of interest to seek professional help, even after having repeatedly told him how it is affecting my life in each and every sphere.
I have gone from being a happy-go-lucky, confident, loving, caring, affectionate and friendly person, to this woman who is forever bitter, irritated, highly negative and severely vulnerable.
We stay with my mom-in-law, and I have given her some hints about this problem of my husband. She has been quite supportive and has tried to get my husband to do something about his problems.
However, his aggressive attitude has, over time, made her not bring up this issue in front of him anymore. I feel quite lost and might need to seek professional help soon for my depression.
I had badly wanted to have a child of our own, but more than that, I had always wanted a healthy sex life to share with my husband. I am hoping for things to change.
Unless they do so, perhaps I would have to take a final decision on my priorities in life.