I may be from a conservative family, but I was born and brought up in a big city. I grew up being confident and enterprising. Even then, somewhere in the back of my mind, that tendency to "settle" made me accept the advances of a very well settled man. But I didn't know I was dreaming for something really strange.
The man I thought was more than perfect was actually someone I didn't even know.
He was a scientist! In India's top science institute, no less. Young, dynamic, smart, and so giddily charming. Right from the beginning, he stressed on the commitment of marriage and said that he loved me, had never seen a girl like me, and wanted to settle down with me. I was a student then. We dated for two years while I completed my degree and tried to convince my parents to get us married.
My parents, however, were against it for various (correct) reasons. But he had such a strong hold on my mind that I was not able to reason with them. He was very open about his past and told me about his ex girlfriends and their sexual encounters. But that did not matter because I was a modern girl. I did not try to dig his past and accepted whatever he had to say. Then again, some of my friends, who also happened to be his students, hinted that he was being "flirty" with them. I ignored because I thought that's his charm.
After two years of waiting, he convinced me that my parents hated him and that we should just run away and get married. My parents would definitely accept us later, given that he was smart, qualified and had a job in India's most reputed institute. I was against that idea from the beginning. He moved to another city in North India to become a professor in another top rated engineering college. He started blackmailing me that he would move on in case I didn't get married to him soon. He scared me with the "horrors" of arranged marriage, made me believe that my life would be hell in case I married someone else. He coaxed me into quitting my decent job and pursuing my higher studies. So with the help of my friends, I quit my job and ran away with him hoping that my parents will forgive me soon after.
But what unfolded later turned my world upside down...
I was in an unknown city without a job with just him by my side. When we broke the news to my parents, they were devastated. My stomach cringed when I heard my mom cry her heart out. I wanted to go back home that very instant. But he had already realized that he could easily convince me with his words. So he told me that we would go meet my parents after ten days, so that they got time to think. Finally, my parents were ready to get us married. Our whole day would pass by making phone calls to family members and friends explaining the situation. He kept postponing the trip home and under that stress I fought with him one day. He got up and left the room in fury. Then came the moment when I got to know the harsh truth.
I was really depressed and opened his laptop to Skype with my cousin when I found his Gmail inbox open. Although my good side prevented me from invading his privacy, I felt the right to ought to know about the person I would be spending my life with... the person for whom I had left my parents. And thank God instinct took over!
My body went numb when I saw all his activities unfolding one by one. From dirty talking to random girls, to calling girls to his room for friends-with-benefits sex, to blackmailing his ex-girlfriend to have sex with him for one last time before he left the city. He had done it all! Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I could not move. I did not know what to do next.
The man whom I trusted enough for me to spend my life with was actually mentally unstable, a sadist, and a womanizer.
I was all alone there. But I did not hesitate to confront him. He started crying, begged at my feet not to leave him. He gave me reasons but none of his actions could have been justified. I realized that his criminal instinct would not prevent him from doing anything to me. Since I was alone and I was scared of this monster in disguise, I had to think and act smartly.
My first thought was that I had to go back to my parents. So I politely convinced him that I had forgiven him and told him that we will get married on one condition. That I needed to see my parents right away. He thankfully agreed and the moment I reached my parents I told them the entire truth. They were broad minded to forgive me and told me that I didn't have to marry this person. It didn't matter that I had already lived with him for a week, but my parents wouldn't let me ruin the rest of my life based on what society would say. But it was not that easy to get him off my back.
He told my parents that we had already had sex and hence they HAD to get their daughter married to him.
He blackmailed me saying no guy was going to accept a girl who has stayed with a guy for a week. So, if my life shouldn't be ruined, I should marry him. I was so emotionally and mentally weak that I even believed him. I had lost all my self confidence and self esteem.
I stopped meeting my friends or socializing. I didn't have a job. I stayed in my room all day for six whole months. At one point I just wanted to hang myself to the ceiling fan. But I wasn't this weak just yet. So with the help of my parents and friends and with great courage, I cut all ties with him one fine day and did not let him manipulate me any more.
It was the biggest struggle of my life and I lived it through patience and support from my family. I prepared for interviews and got a job. My relatives still gossip about my character but after being through so much, I am only glad that I am still alive. What makes me sick to the core of my being is that he is a PROFESSOR. He is supposed to teach us good things in life. But what kind of a responsible professor adulterates his own student community with his perverse sex-drive? It makes my heart stop with fright when I think of how many young girls' future he may be ruining. How he takes advantage of his post and charms young girls into marrying him.
I am not against the idea of a professor and a student being in a relationship. We have all heard of one such story at least. But these stories are of untainted love, and they make your heart glow with happiness when you hear them. This one is scary and thought provoking.
I, however, led 2 years of a normal single life. I got into an arranged marriage with a gentleman later — an angel who wholeheartedly accepted me despite my history. My husband is the ideal proof of true love. It has been a year and I have seen the happiest days of my life. I am more than glad that I didn't give up and didn't stop living. There are many people who take advantage of a woman's innocence and her trust. But I would just like to shout out to the girls, urging them never to take a big step for a man without giving it much forethought. Remember that when things go wrong, your family will always be there for you. God has very big plans for all of us. Keep your head up high and never give up your self-respect and your ability to be independent.
There are good men out there too, but always count on yourself and the blessings of your elders.